Author: katecafehope

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Café

As a young co-ed part of a college youth group, I regularly participated in the group’s nursing home services.  We would sing for the residents and then spend some time visiting with them.  One experience from that time is etched in my brain.  I was listening to a gentleman as he was telling me about the loss of his wife.  I asked how long they had been married.  He responded, “Fifty four years.”  Having spent my senior year in a number of short-lived dating relationships, fifty-four years sounded like an eternity to me.  “Oh! Such a long time!”  A big tear came sliding down his cheek as he said, “Not nearly long enough.” 

This week I learned that my best friend from grade school had died recently. When her husband received my Christmas letter containing new contact information, he called me immediately.  He sadly described her fall that resulted in some brain damage and ultimately caused her death.  In the midst of telling me this, he cried out, “We were married fifty-four years!”  And I could sense in that refrain that it, too, was “not nearly long enough.”

Despite being mortal creatures, recognizing at some level that the days are numbered for all of us, we may still react to the death of a loved one as though we have been cheated out of more time.  The only antidote would seem to be to focus on the present moment as a gift of time and to accept the challenge to make the most of it. 

Even though my response to the widower at the nursing home was a bit insensitive, apparently even at that time in my life, I had some awareness of the present moment. During that same year as the nursing home visits, I penned these words:

The good times are for now.

They last like a child’s laughter

Or as his fleeting, tender tears.

I dare not rush them

In my eagerness for more;

Nor delay them

Out of fear that few remain.

For today is neither the beginning

nor the end.

The invitation is open to share “two cups of tea” anytime at Hope’s Café, or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Oh, Wow!

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Cafe

              “Always be on the lookout for wonder,” wrote E.B. White, author of many books including Stuart Little and Charlotte’s Web.  The renowned scientist Albert Einstein also had much to say about living our lives engaged in curiosity, wonder, mystery.  “He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed,” said Einstein. Very simply he said “There are two ways to live your life.  One is as though nothing is a miracle.  The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

              As I age and become more attuned to the preciousness of every moment, I find myself saying “Oh, wow!” a lot.  I think I am growing to be, as White wrote, “always on lookout for wonder.”  Living in wonder is almost like living on another planet, another dimension, where daily cares and worries seem to shrink to such modest proportions that they are barely noticeable.  I am certainly more aware of the sense of contentment when I engage with such moments. 

              My husband has talked about how on his return from Vietnam, the smallest things triggered a sense of awe:  a cold soft drink, a flush toilet, a comfortable bed out of the elements. Being in awe perhaps comes more easily after something as dramatic as his Vietnam experience.  Yet we are capable of paying attention in the daily mechanics of our lives to things as small as the wonder of a steaming cup of coffee on a cold morning. 

Driving to an appointment this week I marveled at how a car operates, that I have the ability to get from point A to point B when I need to. Such a small thing as compared to the wonder of the night sky.  I marvel that wonder comes in so many sizes and shapes. Einstein addressed the more dramatic with these words: “One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality.” Such a wide range of opportunities to practice wonder! Keys would seem to be paying attention and staying open to being “wonderstruck!

The invitation is open to share “two cups of tea” anytime at Hope’s Café, or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

As I sit in my recliner, I am recalling a sermon I preached in May of 2006 when I was fresh out of completing a three year lay ministry program. My pastor at the time had asked that I preach the last sermon before his retirement. I chose the passage in Exodus when the Israelites are preparing to cross the Red Sea. I wrote that: “What I remembered of the passage had to do with God telling Moses to tell the people to go forward. But when I looked the scripture up before writing my sermon, lo and behold, the first directive was to stand still!”

Having given up the pastorate I loved, I feel the loss and, even as I recover from the back procedure and recognize this is a time to relax and focus on my wellbeing, I feel an underlying urgency to Get Busy! Yet consistently what I experience is the message to “Stand (sit or lie) still!” I plead stubborness. I have been here before, ranting that I was surely being prepared for something but wasn’t finding any direction. That went on really for years, while I just pursued whatever opportunities did come my way. And then when I least expected it, the direction was so clear! And I headed off to Montana and had three precious years. (Am I dense? Can’t I realize those opportunities were important in the process to reach the calling I received? Even now, is this time of focus on my health not valuable for whatever may lie ahead?) So I offer this wise counsel to myself and for anyone who can use it: stand still!

(Many may recognize this as my FB post last week. As I thought about being on the threshhold of the New Year, this post seemed to bear repeating! Best wishes to all in the coming year. )

I confess my energies this week have gone into preparation for the ablation I am having on my poor ailing back, will have had by the time you read this. But I do offer this: though I can find no source for it, the phrase that came to me this week, that I would have sworn came from Clarissa Pinkola Estes, is “Everywhere invisible hands lift us up.” I feel that “lifting up”
so much as I face this procedure that can be quite painful in the aftermath. So many people have offered their love and support. I am extremely grateful and am making this phrase my mantra in the days ahead. Blessings! Kate

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Café

“In poetry we can do things not permitted by logic or reason.  Poetry will open the world beyond reason. Poetry will give access to contradictions and tensions that logic must deny. Poetry will not only remember but also propose and conjure and wonder and imagine and foretell.” These words from Walter Bruggemann, minister and Professor Emeritus of Old Testament at Columbia Theological University, were preface to thoughts about poetry in the Bible written by Miriam, Deborah, Hannah and later Mary.  He states that the women “did poetry while the hard men were still parsing logic, writing memos to each other, and drafting briefs.”  Well said, Walter! (I perhaps should say “Rev. Dr. Bruggemann” but he seems so down to earth.  He doesn’t even use those titles on his book cover!)

As an only “occasional poet” myself,  I am in deep admiration for women such as Mary Oliver and Maren Tirabassi through whom poetry seems to flow regularly from some deep well within them. They gift us with ponderings and insights.  Whatever muse stirs within them, is prone to stir something within us.

I forget now how I came across Maren’s book Christmas Eve at the Epsom Circle McDonalds and Other Poems (I perhaps should say “Ms. Tirabassi” or even “Rev. Tirabassi” as that also applies.  But she seems so relatable, like someone you’d call to get together for coffee!)   Intrigued by the title, I ordered it on my kindle and was not disappointed.  She writes of the little girl who “was the Bethlehem star in our Christmas pageant” who has been deported and without being overly dramatic or political addresses many issues in our society that seem to smack us in the face in the season of “peace and goodwill.”

She has a section based on Dickens A Christmas Carol.  One poem in particular is about Scrooge’s being shown a Christmas party by his first employer Fezziwig.  She writes of “fezziwigs” put in her own path: “And I have slowly learned to be generous/and even more slowly to stop working/ all the time, all the time/ to eat, drink and laugh/to get over myself and dance/even when I feel awkward.

“Every year, every single year/I seem to need that phantom reminder/of how simple joy is/and how much happiness I can share/just by opening my hand/my heart, my mouth/and tapping my two left feet.”

Last week I challenged us all to step back from the busy-ness of the season to find more pleasure, more joy and less stress.  This poem underscores that message.  Blessings on your experience of this season.

The invitation is open to share “two cups of tea” anytime at Hope’s Café, or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Two Cups of Tea N23

Simplicity and Simple Joys

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Cafe

Often I end the blog with a quote.  Today I feel compelled to begin with one, a quote from Emily Ley I came across that I absolutely love:  “You can’t experience simple joys when you are living life with your hair on fire.”

Who is Emily Ley you might wonder. (I did).  I discovered she has developed a line of planners designed to“ help simplify your life – a system of products, backed by tactical solutions to create calm in the chaos.”  She offers a wide selection of planners, some created for specific groups such as teachers and students. 

When I signed up for a two year program in Spiritual Guidance while I was still working full time, I found a planner by Heron Dance, filled with beautiful artwork and quotes and a monthly planner where I outlined my assignments and when they were due, and where I had room for my notes.  I loved that planner and still go back to look at it sometimes.  If Emily Ley’s are anything like that I would welcome them, as Heron Dance went out of business in 2013.

Apparently I need something.  I showed up for a 1 p.m. eye appointment at 10 a.m. this week.  Such planners can be helpful not only to avoid missed appointments and confusion, but also to make people aware of how much  they may be cramming into their days and weeks.  I once had a client whom I assigned to bring in her planner every week to review if she had left herself any openings anywhere and to mark off times for the following week to prevent overcrowding and overcommitting herself.

We are in a holiday season which is ripe for squeezing the life out of every minute of every hour.  Perhaps it is not too late to take a step back to focus on essentials, to give yourself some room to say no to some things, to choose what keeps you sane and centered.  I’ll check in next week and we can compare notes!

The invitation is open to share “two cups of tea” anytime at Hope’s Café, or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Café

I preface this blog with this introduction.  Much as I miss ministry and even more the people I ministered to and with, there has been some relief in this time of moving, getting settled, and taking care of my health, to be without duties or deadlines. One of the things I have indulged in in this time is reading for pleasure.  Searching for any Barbara Kingsolver books I had missed reading, I discovered instead an historical novel by Barbara Davis titled The Echo of Old Books.  It was here I discovered the concept of psychometry and my curiosity was piqued. 

The term psychometry was coined by physician Joseph Rodes Buchanan in 1842.  It could be described as a type of paranormal activity.  A psychometrist could, by handling an object, a ring for example, sense its history, the lives connected to that object.  In the Davis novel, the protagonist, owns a used book store and experiences this unusual ability to sense the life of the person or persons who previously owned the book. Davis’s character, Ashlyn, the store owner, describes books as intrinsically linked to the reader:

              “Without a reader, a book was a blank slate, an object with no breath or pulse of its own.  But once a book became part of someone’s world, it came to life, with a past and a present—and, if properly cared for, a future.  That life force remained with a book always, an energetic signature that matched its owners.”

The book is an intriguing read.  However, as I prepared to write this blog, I was drawn into the history of psychometry and to the originator Joseph Buchanan.  Buchanan might well be described as a “polymath” that I wrote about awhile back.  Apparently a precocious child, he began at age seven to study geometry, astronomy, history and French.  By age eleven, he was reading works by the social reformer and politician Robert Dale Owen and with tutoring from his father (who was himself an itinerant physician, teacher, writer, printer, inventor and philosopher), Buchanan studied Blackstone’s Commentaries on the laws of England.  Intending to go into law, his career plans were disrupted by the death of his father.  He put his energies into becoming a printer, later a teacher, and finally took up the study of medicine.

Buchanan came into medicine at a time when the frontier of Ohio and Kentucky where he had grown up was lacking trained physicians.  The field was wide open for a variety of unorthodox treatments to emerge.  At least seventeen different varieties of doctors were practicing in the Midwest, ranging from the skilled and knowledgeable to quacks who would prey on the ignorance of the pioneers. 

Hugh M. Ayer, in an article titled “Joseph Rodes Buchanan and the Science of Man”, he notes that into this period of confusion and controversy:

 “… there appeared in 1842 a man possessed of a brilliant intellect, the zeal of a crusader, and a burning determination to revolutionize the medical profession. Arming himself first with the respectability of a medical degree, he proceeded to combine elements of phrenology, mesmerism, homeopathy, and eclecticism, add a host of original ideas of his own, and emerge with a system of moral philosophy and medical science which anticipated parts of modern psychology and psychiatry, and which contained some theories now recognized as valid by the medical profession. But his ideas were exceptionally strange even for that age of unorthodoxy, and he was destined to a lifetime of ridicule, rejection, and disappointment.”

Whether his ideas seem to have some merit or strike you as ridiculous as they were sometimes perceived during his lifetime, the drive to learn, to create, to explore possibilities seems worthy. As Albert Einstein said, “To raise new questions, new possibilities, to regard old problems from a new angle requires creative imagination and marks real advance in science.”

The invitation is open to share “two cups of tea” anytime at Hope’s Café, or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

 One of my favorite memories comes from my parents playing canasta with their friends Sybil and Leon.  I loved the sound of their almost continual laughter as they played.  My parents lived with stressors of medical bills and my mother’s health difficulties that brought about those bills, as well as health issues I had.  I recall as an adult asking my brother what life had been like when I was so ill.  With no rancor he said “I just remember we never had any money.”  But when my parents were with their friends playing cards they seemed totally stress free, which research has shown as one of the benefits.

 This holiday season I keep seeing advertisements for Ousi and for Ransom Notes. Curious, I googled them both.  One reviewer wrote:
“OuiSi (a pun on We See as well as two words meaning Yes) is a set of 210 photos that are close-ups of details of things you might find in a city, like a key, part of a guitar, a coin in the mud, a fork, a box of colored pencils, a bunch of green onions, a doorknob, etc. They are much more beautiful than this description might lead you to believe.

“In addition to this basic set, there are two other sets you can get, one with similar close-up photos of things from nature, like flowers, leaves, trees, water, bug faces, animal faces, etc. and one with similar close-up photos of parts of artworks from the Getty Art Museum.

“Each set has a rule book with several “games” you can play with the cards. Most of them are more like activities than actual games, though there are two competitive games with rules a bit like Dixit. Despite that, the activities are enjoyable and worthwhile, if you don’t expect something with formal rules.”

. One of the benefits touted is that even preschoolers are able to participate.  Another is that Ousi is very useful with folks who are living with dementia.  Ransom Notes likely doesn’t have those benefits but sounds like a lot of fun.  With whatever words you have in your possession, you must write a ransom note. However it is described as easy to learn in less than a minute. A review on Amazon offers this analysis:

“ While the game is made for 3-6 players, it’s equally hilarious when larger groups team up together, 30-90 min play time. Is it appropriate for everyone? Not really. While a majority of prompt cards are certainly suitable for all audiences, there are quite a few that are definitely not. BUT, if you do want to make it family friendly, pulling about 15-30% of the cards should make the game totally PG and playable for all!”

  An article from the BBC decries that as adults we tend to give up games and quotes René Proyer, professor of psychology at Martin Luther University Halle-Wittenberg, Germany. Professor Proyer encourages playfulness, describing it as a skill that can be developed, harnessed and used for mindfulness. Playing games is one way to develop that but she has a very basic suggestion:

“A good place to start is by simply observing moments at the end of every day where something spontaneous happened. It could be a funny interaction with a stranger while getting your coffee or a joke shared with your colleague. This will help you to begin to feel confident in being playful and make you more aware of joy in your everyday life.” (Why Playing Games is Good for You, February 3, 2022, BBC).

Let the games begin! 😊

The invitation is open to share “two cups of tea” anytime at Hope’s Café, or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

      Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Cafe

Before we moved to Montana we lived near a Food City grocery store. Having moved back we find ourselves living near that same store again.  Before we moved, that grocery was “run of the mill,” nothing fancy or out of the ordinary.  It has since been drastically remodeled.  The array of goods is stunning.  And, of course, as  any really top notch grocery would, a Starbucks graces the entry. 

Perhaps as you read this, you sense some feeling of discomfort I have.  When I walk into that Food City, or any similar grocery, I am struck by the variety and abundance of food.   How can a nation with so much food have so many hungry people? In 2022, 44.2 million people lived in households where there was insufficient food.  That was up from 33.8 million in 2021.  In 2022, those households included 13 million children experiencing food insecurity, a 45% increase from the previous year, statistics from the Department of Agriculture demonstrate.

As we enter the holidays, we are reminded to consider our blessings, to increase our awareness of how much we have to be thankful for, and to share our bounty.   Since 2012 when Giving Tuesday was established, we have had an additional avenue to do just that.  Henry Timms and Asha Curran of the 92^nd street Y in New York, initiated Giving Tuesday while both were employed by the Y’s Belfer Center for Innovation and Social Impact.  Giving Tuesday follows Black Friday and Cyber Monday in an effort to counteract so much consumerism.  The event is now promoted in many other countries.

Wikipedia site reports that as an organization, “Giving Tuesday promotes the concept of ‘generosity not as a benevolence that the haves show to the have-nots but rather an expression of mutuality, solidarity, and reciprocity.’

“GivingTuesday has a global presence through 75 country movements spanning the world, each representing their own cultures and needs, while remaining united in their determination to mobilize their countries around generosity and shared humanity.”

Donations have increased yearly from 28 million in 2013 to 2.7 billion in 2021. Monetary gifts are not the only way to honor the day though.  Volunteering and simply offering acts of kindness are encouraged as well.

Giving Tuesday this year is December 3. Let this serve as a reminder to us, in a world that can be so discouraging, that good still exists and that we have opportunities to be agents of that good.

“Kind words and good deeds are eternal.  You never know where their influence will end.” H. Jackson Brown Jr.

 The invitation is open to share “two cups of tea” anytime at Hope’s Café, or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Cafe

In 2007 Terry and I were in Washington D.C. to attend The Evolution of Psychotherapy Conference.  Whatever I may have learned in those few days is overshadowed by my experience of a program the conference directors had arranged for the night before the conference opened. The speaker was John O’Donohue, an Irish Catholic who had left the priesthood for a different path.  A poet, author, and speaker, he is perhaps best known for popularizing Celtic spirituality. 

In this era of extreme polarization and in the wake of a divisive election, I thought of John O’Donohue.  In the jam-packed room where he spoke that night in D. C., there was not so much as a cough or a whisper.  We sat mesmerized, his lilting Irish brogue enhancing the depth of his words, both comforting and challenging. I wished this week I could feel that same sense of peace and comfort I felt that night.

I share with you two quotes of his that seemed especially pertinent this week.

“Keep something beautiful in your soul to survive difficult times and enjoy good times.”

And:

“Part of understanding the notion of Justice is to recognize the disproportions among which we live…it takes an awful lot of living with the powerless to really understand what it is like to be powerless, to have your voice, thoughts, ideas and concerns count for very little. We, who have been given much, whose voices can be heard, have a great duty and responsibility to make our voices heard with absolute integrity for those who are powerless.”

This would seem to indicate two priorities:  self-care amid difficult times and the ongoing and persistent call to the care of others for whom self-care would be an impossible luxury.  And a lesson we need to heed:  the second priority can be the most effective by adhering to the first.  I encourage us all to take care of ourselves, to immerse ourselves in the gratitude that grounds us, and to experience the challenge of care for others as an invitation to increase community, a partnership which unites us. 

I offer this blessing first invoked by O’Donohue: May you experience each day as a sacred gift woven around the heart of wonder.

Thank you, John O’Donohue.  May you rest in peace.    January 1, 1956 –  January 4 ,2008

The invitation is open to share “two cups of tea” anytime at Hope’s Café, or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate