Author: katecafehope

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Café

Paul McCartney wrote “A World Without Love” at age 16, when he had already been writing songs from the age of 14.  It is a mournful song, reflecting the experience of many teens (as well as adults) of unfulfilled longing for love.  In the dramatic style often employed by teens, he declares “Please lock me away…and don’t allow the day….here inside where I hide with my loneliness. I don’t care what they say, I won’t stay in a world without love.”  The Beatles never recorded it.  But Paul passed it on to the duo Peter and Gordon who made it a number one song on charts in both the US and the UK in 1964.

 As a teenager, I keenly felt that sentiment. Admittedly, some days now I can identify with those lyrics. Despite record high temperatures everywhere, the emotional temp of the world presently feels icily cold.  In contrast, in 1971 Rare Earth recorded the upbeat song “I Just Want to Celebrate” which focuses on getting through difficult times and maintaining a positive attitude.  I can identify with that as well.  In fact, it is the antidote to those times when I despair of the world.

Val T. Boyko is another blogger, an apparent kindred spirit, whose theme is “Find Your Middle Ground: Living From the Center of Your Being,” a focus not unlike my own “Hope’s Café: Practicing Hope, Balancing Life.” Finding the space where we can recognize “a world without love” and still “just want to celebrate” our encounter with life is a challenge, a balancing act, but yields a middle ground that is sustainable.

Afterall:   “The art of living is knowing when to hold on, when to let go, and when to simply sway with the wind.”—Alexander Schlinder

The invitation is open to share two cups of tea anytime at Hope’s Café or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” at Hope’s Café, for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Cafe

“Life is too short not to sparkle.”  I came across that sentiment this week but wondered “What if one isn’t feeling particularly sparkly just at the moment?” I considered that the expression wasn’t “Life is too short not to sparkle constantly.”  It was simply a reminder that we have that capacity and we can develop and utilize it to enhance our lives as well as those of others.

But there are plenty of other suggestions about which life is too short.

“Life is too short to just go through the motions,” said Phillip Rivers.

“Be patient and understanding.  Life is too short to be vengeful or malicious,” in the words of Phillips Brooks. Along similar lines, Charlotte Bronte wrote: “Life appears to me too short to be spent  in nursing animosity or registering wrongs.”

Bhakti Singh expanded on Brooks’ and Bronte’s  thoughts: “Life is too short to give pain to others.  I eat to the fullest, sleep well and make people laugh wholeheartedly.”

“Life is too short and too sweet to complain about the silly things,” adds Michael Chandler.

On a more reflective note, Mark Manson wrote “At some point we all must admit the inevitable: life is short, not all of our dreams can come true, so we should carefully pick and choose what we have the best shot at and then commit to it.”  As Joshua Fields Milburn points out: “There’s no refund on time poorly spent.”

On a somber note, Ryan Holliday reminds us that “Eventually, all of us will pass away and slowly be forgotten.  We should enjoy this brief time we have on earth—not be enslaved to emotions that make us miserable and dissatisfied.”  We are admonished by Marcus Aurelius: “Life is short.  Do not forget about the most important things in our life, living for other people and doing good for them.”

But this one particular quote I first skipped over thinking it was a bit frivolous.  On further reflection, I considered there is wisdom encased in it:  “Life is too short to miss out on the beautiful things like a double cheeseburger,” spoken by the actor Channing Tatum.  Even the ordinary things, the simple pleasures in life, are beautiful, to be noticed, appreciated.  As the singer Glen Campbell said: “Life is too short not to enjoy it.”

So, my friends, what about you?  How would you complete the sentence “Life is too short……”?

The invitation is open to share two cups of tea anytime at Hope’s Café or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” at Hope’s Café, for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Cafe

I read a poignant story this week about Maurice Sendak, author of the classic children’s book Where the Wild Things Are.  Sendak grew up the son of Polish Jews, who had lost essentially all their relatives during  the holocaust .  He was a very sickly child who spent a lot of time in bed, his sole entertainment being reading.  His childhood was marked by loss and pain, and thus he learned early that childhood could be marked by darkness.

As an adult he wrote the story of Max, a little boy sent to bed without supper because of angry behavior.  There he sailed away to a place where wild things roared and gnashed their teeth and rolled their terrible eyes. He became king of his feelings in this wild place.  And when the “wildness” was finished he came home. 

This was published at a time in the early 1960s when children’s books were typically sweet stories with brightly colored pictures and happy endings.  There were those who did not welcome it, despite its earning the 1964 Caldecott medal. Some librarians pulled it from the shelves.  Bruno Bettelheim, Austrian psychologist and educator, publicly criticized him in the “Ladies Home Journal” saying a child sent to bed without supper would be traumatizing to a child reader.  Ironically, Bettelheim went on to publish his book Uses of Enchantment, which promoted the use of fairy tales, once considered too dark, such as those by the Brothers Grimm, with their themes of abandonment, witches and death, to help children cope with fears in remote, symbolic terms. 

Towards the end of his life, in what would be his final interview with Terri Gross of National Public Radio, he said he had “fallen deeply in love with the world” in his last years, that he had “nothing but praise for his life.”

Is that not striking, a stunning admission?  Falling in love with a world that to all appearances is falling apart?  More wars and conflicts than we can keep track of?  Cruelty and racism and incivility?  That world? And yet I identify.  I ache for the world because I love this world with which we are entrusted.  And I, too, along with Sendak ,recognize that life can be dark, happy endings are not guaranteed, that suffering is abundant.  Yet I also  realize the blessing of the life I have and the goodness and love in close proximity as well as existing in the larger world.

As Mohammed Ali said:  “Our only hope lies in the power of our love, generosity, tolerance and understanding and our commitment to making the world a better place for all.”

Or, as the poet Mary Oliver wrote: “Love yourself….then love the world.”

The invitation is open to share two cups of tea anytime at Hope’s Café or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” at Hope’s Café, for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Cafe

“Too often, we judge other groups by their worst examples—while judging ourselves by our best intentions.”  So said George W. Bush, former United States President, better known for some of his less eloquent phrasing.  This quote, however, is quite pointed and worth our consideration.

Sometimes we do not even judge a group by their worst examples.  We simply slap a disparaging label on them with no knowledge of them at all.  It is adaptive for a soldier, for example, to think of the enemy as a “gook”rather than a human being with needs and desires no different from his or her own. 

I will never forget visiting my daughter when she was an exchange student in Germany, living in what had been a border town in the days before the Berlin wall fell. A guard tower that remained there had been made into a museum.  Framed on the wall was a poem by one of the guards, reflecting on a family he watched on the other side of the border cooking their supper, not unlike what his own family would be doing about then.  It was a poignant reminder that folks we label enemies are mothers, fathers, siblings, children, relatives and friends; people with hopes and dreams, people with struggles and suffering, with joys and disappointments. As Sly and the Family Stone sang: “I am no better and neither are you.  We are the same whatever we do.”

The invitation is open to share two cups of tea anytime at Hope’s Café or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” at Hope’s Café, for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

“All ‘isms’ run out in the end, and good riddance to most of them, patriotism for example,” wrote Frederick Buechner, an American writer, novelist, poet, autobiographer, essayist, preacher, and theologian, “The only patriots worth their salt,” he continued, “are the ones who love their country enough to see that in a nuclear age it is not going to survive unless the world survives. True patriots are no longer champions of Democracy, Communism, or anything like that but champions of the Human Race.” Frederick Buechner, may he rest in peace, penned these words long ago, but how true they ring today.

The statistics are staggering:

There are currently 56 armed conflicts with at least 10 major wars causing significant casualties and displacement. The Ukraine-Russia war has caused a minimum of 500,000 casualties. The Sudan civil war tallies more than 150,000 killed and more than 10 million displaced. More than 40,000 have been killed in the Gaza conflict.

Civilians account for 50% of casualties, with a disproportionate number of children affected. Around 200 million children live in high density conflict zones.

Global military spending is $2 trillion annually.

Last week, Deborah Levine, author, Holocaust educator, opinion columnist, posed a question on Facebook: What does July 4th mean to you? I responded:

This year I’m thinking for me it means celebrating the pockets of good that still exist in this country and all the folks who are seeking to move past the chaos and hatred to reestablish governance that is based on integrity, compassion, reason.

Perhaps I could add to that list: and seeking to root out the weeds of war and plant the seeds of peace. Albert Einstein so aptly said:”We shall require a substantially new manner of thinking if mankind is to survive.”

To my American readers, prayers for a safe holiday weekend. To my readers around the world, many of us recognize that all that is going on here has impact on you and your wellbeing. Blessings on all those who affirm good and resist what undermines the human race.

The invitation is open to share two cups of tea anytime at Hope’s Café or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” at Hope’s Café, for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Cafe

Last week I heard the phrase “practicing the miracle of life.”  My response has been to more often start my day sitting outside.  Nature offers us so many reminders of miracles.  I listen to the birds, their calls so distinctive as they communicate with one another.  They are masters of “call and response.”  I watch the clouds as they shift and form themselves in new configurations.  Yes, this is simply the nature of  birds and clouds.  But Albert Einstein, who knew something of how the world operates (understatement!), is quoted as saying: “There are only two ways to live your life.  One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” 

I tend to subscribe to the latter.  But in the interest of full disclosure, miracles  can involve  a lot of mess.  Much in medical care is a miracle but dealing with the human body and all its intricacies can be quite untidy, in plain English, a bloody mess.  On another plane, think of the miracle of all the coordination and dedication of aid groups who manage all the details of collecting and distributing goods for the survival of people.  Yet they often operate in extreme conditions of war, destruction, deprivation. 

Closer to home, I think of a man I met years ago when we were part of a group advocating for a bill before the legislature that would have extended healthcare to an additional 280,000 in our state.  His wife had severe health problems and he had some himself.  In the years since, he has developed a condition that is taking his life in the most horrendous way.  He never denies the difficulty of it, nor his challenges to cope.  Yet he always manages to convey some sense of gratitude, the miracle of another day.    Miraculous, I say, living in awareness of gratitude  as he deals with the condition he endures.

To all those in the throes of huge difficulties and to those who are simply living with the usual amount of disturbances life tends to throw in our path just in the everyday-ness of living, I offer these gems:

“Miracles happen every day; you just have to look for them, they are there.” – Catherine Pulsifer 

“Each of my days are miracles. I won’t waste my day; I won’t throw away miracle.” – Kelley Vicstrom

“A miracle is often the willingness to see the common in an uncommon way.” Noah Benshea

The invitation is open to share two cups of tea anytime at Hope’s Café or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” at Hope’s Café, for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Cafe

A FaceBook nerd is what I am I do believe.  This week on FB I read about a men’s group who use a group exercise of sharing based on describing something during the week that has been difficult, a “rock,” and something that has brought joy, a “feather.”  Intrigued,  I explored this idea further, discovering it has taken on many variations.

Educators have developed it as a critical thinking activity.  Dick Fuller, a teacher in Decatur, GA, first used it as an Outward Bound teacher.  He had students describe themselves as a rock or a feather and then give reasons for  their choice.  Other words can be paired. Are you more like summer or winter?  More like the city or the country? Endless possibilities.  Are you drama or comedy? Rock band or string quartet?  Bat or ball? 

Fuller put it on a listserv for other teachers and its use has spread in a multitude of ways.  While some use it as a paper and pen activity in class or assign it as homework or for journal writing, others set it up as a physical activity.  Students pick the side of the room that identifies the word they have chosen from the pair of choices.  Another method involves four choices and four corners of the room to align themselves with the choice they believe best describes them, using car models or animals for example.  Colors weren’t mentioned in the article (www.educationworld.com) but red/green/yellow/blue might be useful choices.

That the emphasis is on students’ making choices and thinking through their reasoning for those choices is heartening.  This seems valuable well beyond the classroom.  Begin by asking yourself “What has been a rock for me this week?  What has been a feather?  How I might I engage others in meaningful conversations and connections with some of these ideas? 

Somehow (and I’m never sure how I stumble into these things) as I searched the term “rock and feather” I ended up on a poetry site, The Poetry Foundation, and encountered poems that in essence speak to rocks and feathers.  Finding one by Joy Harjo was an unexpected gift, as I had found her works before  but lost track of her.   Ms Harjo, a member of the Muscogee Creek Nation is former Poet Laureate 2019-2022.   I found her poem “Perhaps the World Ends Here”  about the kitchen table.  The concluding lines:

“At this table we sing with joy and sorrow.  We pray of suffering and remorse.

We give thanks.

“Perhaps the world will end at the kitchen table, while we are laughing and

crying , eating of the last sweet bite .”

The invitation is open to share two cups of tea anytime at Hope’s Café or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” at Hope’s Café, for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Cafe

So many directions my thoughts are going as I begin this blog! Although I have been using WordPress to blog for six years now, I only recently discovered that it includes a “daily writing prompt.” Today’s prompt is: “What’s something you’d love to see in the future but know you probably won’t live to witness?”

Is it too much to hope that we might see a return to civility, decency, integrity, respect, empathy, rational behavior, most especially from our leaders?  That is a pretty full plate of hopes for the future.  Some days—hope springs eternal—I think I see evidence of the tide turning from the hateful, violent atmosphere that has taken hold.  Other days I succumb to despair.  “Cure us of our warring madness!” Indeed.

 When my daughter was an exchange student in Germany, I visited in late 1997. Fifty years post World War II the people I encountered had no desire to talk about that dark time.  I had read that as a result of their WWII experience, when one never knew when a neighbor might curry favor with the Nazis by reporting you had done some infraction against their regime, that expressions were neutral, never betraying any feeling.  I automatically smile when I cross paths with someone but rarely did anyone return my smile. 

We had an exchange student from Germany in 1998 to 1999.  At an athletic event she attended with us, when everyone rose to sing the national anthem, she said very sadly, “You are a proud people.  We are not a proud people.” Some years later, after Germany had hosted some world event (the World Cup perhaps?) she told me it had been such an emotional boost to their country, had contributed to a renewed pride. 

Whatever the future holds, we will live in an altered world.  Best case, we will recognize that what we hold dear is not guaranteed, that we must cherish and nurture a strong foundation.  In the meantime, let us focus on noticing all the good that remains around us and on contributing to the good however and whenever we can.  May we keep in mind “While nations are convulsed with rage, how quietly the flowers and grass grow.” (E.H. Chapin b.1814, d.1880)

The invitation is open to share two cups of tea anytime at Hope’s Café or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” at Hope’s Café, for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Café

Yesterday was my birthday, or as the Buddhists describe it, my “continuation day.”  This is a concept popularized by Thich Nhat Hanh, Vietnamese Zen master.  Instead of focusing on and celebrating a single day, one acknowledges the continuous flow of life.  In this tradition, one celebrates interconnection, the continuation of the legacy of ancestors, of our parents, of the environment.  As Hanh described it, just as a cloud does not die when it transforms into rain, a person is constantly transforming in form, energy and presence rather than being created or destroyed. Thus the way to honor continuation is to reflect on the present moment, express gratitude to one’s ancestors and to celebrate the privilege of continued life and growth.

Being very fond of my birthday—I look forward to it every year—I am unlikely to give up my celebrations.  But a hybrid model very much appeals to me.  I do find as I am ageing that I am naturally feeling more drawn to reflection, to gratitude, to the awareness of what a gift it is to have life.  I have had so many experiences that could have cut my life short.  But here I am.  In some sense, I feel obligation to make the most of my life to honor all those who have had their lives cut short as well as those who gave me life and those who have provided care that spared me when I might otherwise have died. 

As I think about it, while my birthday marks my continuation day, every day is a continuation and deserves our gratitude and our investment in making the most of it.

“The day you call your birthday is really a day to remember your continuation. Every day you transform. Some part of you is being born and some part is dying.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

The invitation is open to share two cups of tea anytime at Hope’s Café or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” at Hope’s Café, for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s CafeIllusion/Delusion

Somewhere (“in a galaxy far, far away”) this great expanse of leisurely space will open up before me (I tell myself) and I will write, read,  really learn French, sew, play the piano, and discover my most creative self,  all with abandon!  (This will, of course, be taking place in a perfectly clean and organized home though it is unclear who will have done all that.  Nor is it apparent how the mundane chores like laundry and dishes will be accomplished or by whom).

When reality dares to step in to disrupt this idyllic notion, I consider what in reality  prevents my life from being more like the illusion?  (“I have commitments! I have responsibilities!” I sputter in protest.  Some truth there but not the heart of the problem. )

Some honest reflection reveals two particular components to the question:  1) I waste a lot of time, some of it searching for things I can’t find! (Refer to previous mention of the imaginary perfectly clean and organized home.) Factor 2 is the priority I place on maintaining connection.   A week clear of a lot of appointments and extra duties will stretch ahead of me and suddenly I have filled it with lunches with friends or planned a little dinner party at the house. (Oops! Gotta get busy preparing for company!) Or I will  use the time playing “catch up,” calling or texting folks to keep up with how they are doing.

Somehow I think this is not unique to me. This can be a problem at any age.  But retirement and aging contribute a nagging sense of borrowed time.  I am not going to live forever.  Time is not on my side. 

How do I use the hours allotted my “wild and precious life,” as Mary Oliver has so poetically described it?

Here is the fallacy in my thinking, the pernicious reality that deflates the illusion:  the only way that my life looks different requires I make different choices.  Will I quit having lunches and phone calls with friends?  Not likely! Will I refuse taking on commitments to things I value?  Once again, no I will not.  What I recognize is that I can balance my life more effectively.  I can allot my time a little differently that allows me to create something more pleasing to me.  Either I am in the driver’s seat of the vehicle of my life or I am forever confined by an image of a life that magically evolves with no effort on my part. Or as that famous “philosopher” Dolly Parton once said:

“ If you don’t like the road you’re walking, start paving another one.”