Hope's Cafe

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Café

“The way to develop the habit of savoring is to pause when something is beautiful and good and catches our attention—the sound of rain, the look of the night sky—the glow in a child’s eyes, or when we witness some act of kindness. Pause…then totally immerse in the experience of savoring it.”—Tara Brach

At Christmas, I received the newest edition of The Arist’s Way from my friend Diane and she challenged me to engage in  the described method in the book of writing three “morning pages” first thing when you get up.  I have attempted to be faithful to it.  One day this week as I wrote “stream of consciousness,” I noted that I am feeling “greedy for time” as I age.  That prompted me to ponder that thought in the days following.  Something didn’t sit well with me about being “greedy for time.”  The recognition has set in that my greed doesn’t produce any more time and that the only meaningful response is to savor the time gifted to me. 

       That response is a challenge.  We inevitably experience difficult circumstances that don’t lend themselves to pausing, “savoring.”  We have disappointments,  physical pain, emotional pain, losses, tragedies.  Our current political climate cuts close to the bone.  We are to practice “savoring” in the midst of this?

       In this sense, savoring is like being grateful.  Circumstances don’t always merit savoring or gratitude.  Yet paying attention, as Brach’s quote indicates, allows us to find even small, but nourishing, moments of awareness that inspire savoring the experience, feeling gratitude.

       I recall in speech class in high school choosing to do a presentation based on the quote:

“Yesterday is but a dream,
Tomorrow is only a vision.
But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope.” Even at 17 perhaps I had some inkling that life was calling on me to pause, pay attention, savor and offer gratitude.

 The invitation is open to share two cups of tea anytime at Hope’s Café or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” at Hope’s Café, for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

 This past week we were treated to a Super Moon that was spectacular.  The moon was closer to the earth.  The earth was closer to the sun.  I was never one to lie basking in the sun.  Give me a moonlight stroll anytime! But sun or moon, we are people drawn to light.

In the dark week we have experienced with a runaway government wreaking havoc on our country and around the world, I discovered in my journal these quotes I had copied down at some time when I must have been seeking some comfort, some reminder of more than the surrounding chaos.

“Those who let their eyes adjust can see in the darkness.”  Susan Cain Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole

“The Milky Way stretched overhead like the rainbow after a storm.  It was a promise that there was light everywhere even far away in the darkest of places.”  Candice Jarrett in her novel Moral Tether: A Young Adult Dystopian Apocalyptic Survival Novel.

“Obsessing over what is wrong will not invite what is right.  Dwelling in darkness keeps us from embracing the light.”  Anthony St. Maarten

“What would be the significance of the candlelight, if there were no darkness? What would be the power of the stars over our minds, if there were no light?” C. Joybell C

“Surrounded by darkness yet enfolded by light.”  Alan Brennet

“The Nelazan believed there was beauty in darkness and the daylight was more profane.  They saw the stars as the Thousand Eyes of Trell watching them.  The sun was the single, jealous eye of Trell’s brother, Nolt.  Since Nolt only had one eye, he made it blaze bightly to outshine his brother,  The Nelazan, however, wre not impressed and preferred to worship the quiet Trell who watched over them even when Nolt obscured the sky. “ Brandon Sanderson The Final Empire

And lastly, a reminder about peace in difficult times:

“Building peace is more often about creating space, developing relationships, persevering in spite of overwhelming pessimism, and being flexible enough to respond to emerging opportunities, meager as they may be.”  John Paul Lederach

The invitation is open to share two cups of tea anytime at Hope’s Café or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we bearers of hope, the “wait staff” at Hope’s Café, for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Café

One friend sent a Christmas letter in which she noted that she and her husband had decided this would be the last year to send Christmas cards, time and expense involved becoming more than they wanted to manage.  Fortunately, she is among a group of friends that keeps regular contact and gets together every couple of years for a reunion. I know we will still be in touch.  But given how the number of cards has dropped in my mailbox this year I think many folks have reduced the number of holiday greetings they send or they have discontinued the practice altogether. I am distressed that there are folks with whom I am likely going to lose contact.

Last year I went to a young twenty-something hairdresser I hadn’t been to before.  Making conversation, I said I had given up that I would get Christmas cards out before Christmas.  Puzzled, she said, “Christmas cards??”  She didn’t know what I was talking about.  As she thought about it, she finally said, “Oh, I remember my mother used to do that.”  I don’t know who was the more startled: I, that she had no clue initially what I was talking about or she, once she recalled it, that I was concerned about such an antiquated tradition.

This year I especially seem attuned to keeping folks close.  This may be motivated by my aging, wanting to maintain new connections and savor long-term relationships built over the years.  Likely the state of this uncertain world contributes to that sense as well.  When so much seems fragile, I turn to those reliable people whose love and friendship sustain me.

This led me to think about the song Auld Lang Syne, a Scottish tradition, normally sung at midnight on New Year’s Eve.  I learned from Wikipedia that there is a dance associated with this as well, which is done at Hogmanay, Scottish for “the last day of the year.”

“At Hogmanay in Scotland, it is common practice that everyone joins hands with the person next to them to form a great circle around the dance floor. At the beginning of the last verse (And there’s a hand, my trusty fiere!/and gie’s a hand o’ thine!), everyone crosses their arms across their breast, so that the right hand reaches out to the neighbour on the left and vice versa.^[23][24] When the tune ends, everyone rushes to the middle, while still holding hands. When the circle is re-established, everyone turns under the arms to end up facing outwards with hands still joined. The tradition of singing the song when parting, with crossed hands linked, arose in the mid-19th century among Freemasons and other fraternal organisations.^[25][26]

Outside Scotland the hands are often crossed from the beginning of the song.” 

 This image could almost bring me to tears. In this time of so many expressions of hatred and cruelty, to think of this demonstration of friendship and connection touches me deeply.  Today I had a phone call from a friend of over sixty years and another one from friends we made on a vacation in the summer of 2024. What a gift!   New Year’s Eve we celebrate with a collection of friends, some more recent and some we have been sharing the ups and downs of life with for decades. Maybe we’ll sing Auld Lang Syne…..maybe even dance to it! (But likely not at midnight! Our decades are showing!)

The invitation is open to share two cups of tea anytime at Hope’s Café or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we bearers of hope, the “wait staff” at Hope’s Café, for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Home Is Where the Heart Is

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Cafe

“You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart will always be elsewhere.  That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.”  This quote showed up in my memories on Facebook this week.  That thought strikes me in the solar plexus.  When I am in Chattanooga, I am happy to be near our daughter and son-in-law here and our longtime friends….and I am aware that I am not with our daughter and son-in-law and grandchildren in Maryland…I am aware I am not in Montana with our more recent friends and community there.  And this is indeed the price I pay “for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.” 

Early in our marriage, we put our house on the market.   We were startled that it sold immediately.  Needing housing quickly, we moved in with my mother-in-law while we built another home.  One day while my husband and I were walking around the property which would eventually provide us years of comfort and pleasure, he said, “I could live in a tent with you” which translates to “Home doesn’t depend on building a new house.  Home is with you.” 

Thinking over our years together, I imagine our relationship as a tree, nurtured and rooted during our life.  All those people and places I miss when I am not there are the branches that have grown from this trunk, all part of a whole.  These are not disparate pieces of my life.  I have many  “homes.” They all belong to our story. And for that I am grateful.

“Good friends (I would alter this to say ‘The significant people in your life’) are like stars.  You don’t always see them, but you always know they are there.”

The invitation is open to share two cups of tea anytime at Hope’s Café or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we bearers of hope, the “wait staff” at Hope’s Café, for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Café

Fresh off a week of celebrations with friends and family, first Thanksgiving, followed two days later by my husband Terry’s 80^th birthday party, I am deeply aware of the role we play in loving, supporting and cheering each other on through life. However, with three grandchildren I witnessed another aspect of our human behavior that mirrors society’s troublesome characteristic: the struggle for power, for dominance.

For five years, our grandson Gabriel was the “baby” of the family, the younger of two boys.  Then our daughter and son-in-law pursued the adoption of “Mercy,” who was just shy of three when she came to live with them in 2024.  She was adopted from an orphanage in Africa where the family was living at the time.  Culture shock engulfed everyone concerned!  Jockeying for position became a major occupation for these three children. And it isn’t a pretty sight!

Mercy is a recognized leader at preschool.  She pays attention to those absent on any given day.  She is like a sheepherding dog, rounding people up, directing play time with her classmates.  At home she is the youngest and is resented by her brothers when she tries to dominate.  Gabriel is quite distressed to be misplaced in the family dynamic.  Sebastian sometimes takes on a leadership role, getting the three of them to play in some way he designs and they follow.  Other times he is just part of the fray. 

Yet in the midst of this, Mercy demonstrated something else.  She asked me to play a board game with her.  At four, she seemed to me perhaps not quite prepared to understand the game or to play by its rules.   But she did.  She was pleased with herself when she won the first game.  When I won the second one I expected some objection.  Instead, she enthusiastically clapped for me. 

What a different world this would be if we clapped for each other, cheered each other on, truly recognized we are all “just walking each other home.”  At this time of year when we focus on charitable acts, we have the opportunity to accept the challenge to recommit every day to being charitable people in a fractious world.  As Winston Churchill said, “We make a living by what we get. But we make a life by what we give.”

The invitation is open to share two cups of tea anytime at Hope’s Café or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we bearers of hope, the “wait staff” at Hope’s Café, for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Cafe

Having grown up in northern Oklahoma, known for the Cherokee Strip Land Run September 16, 1893, and home to the Pioneer Woman statue located in Ponca City, I had a rather romantic notion about pioneering.  Pioneers were rugged, resourceful, adventurous people.  I thought I would have loved to have been a pioneer.  Eventually I came to realize that they endured some unimaginable hardships that I wouldn’t have wanted to experience. 

I could easily get sidetracked here both because of the history of the Oklahoma land runs on the territory given to the Cherokee and other tribes removed from their homelands  (Trail of Tears come to mind?) and because of the back story of the Pioneer Woman statue.  But that is not the point of this blog.

In the fourth grade we had a shelf of books in our room to include a number of biographies.  I read the one about Jane Addams, the first “social worker,” first called “friendly visitors.”  I decided immediately that is what I wanted to do.  Mostly I single-mindedly pursued that goal.  Twenty-five post graduate years later, working as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, I felt a tug in another direction. The direction was quite indistinct.  My inclination was to find a mentor, which I did.  The mentor urged me to take Clinical Pastoral Education, which I did.  I then had an opportunity to do a three year lay ministry course.  One thing kept leading to another and I eventually was ordained and accepted a call to a church in Montana. (I must have some pioneer spirit!)

During those years as a pastor, my duties, though varied, provided a solid structure to my life.  And then I retired.  Any routine is elusive.  Many people thrive on the freedom of retirement.  I certainly aspired to it.  But I find myself feeling like a pioneer trying to negotiate the landscape of my life.  I thought I had the perfect plan:  spend a large portion of time with our grandchildren several states away; join the choir at church; do occasional supply pastoring.  But I find my life choppy, not coherent, certainly not with the ever-evolving path that I experienced on the road to ministry.  And I have encountered obstacles I hadn’t anticipated that make the journey more challenging. 

The site VeryWellMind addresses this. “Retirement brings a new sense of freedom, but it also comes with challenges and difficult emotions. It’s a change in identity, finances, relationships, and how you spend your time—no wonder it can be difficult to adjust.

“You’ve likely thought a lot about how you’ll enjoy your golden years. But there’s a good chance you never thought much about the psychological effect retirement might have on you. Retirement often means a loss of identity. Whether you identified as a banker, cook, or teacher, retirement can cause you to question who you are now that you’re no longer working.”

That same article suggests “experimenting” with your life,  which, curiously, is a technique we used as therapists.  “Experimenting” gives one room to explore without feeling so much anxiety about the results.  Afterall, it’s an experiment! 

Ralph Waldo Emerson would applaud this.  He said “All life is an experiment.  The more experiments  you make the better!”

To those who may also be feeling like “pioneers” trying to master a new stage or circumstance, I encourage you to join me in “experimenting!”

The invitation is open to share two cups of tea anytime at Hope’s Café or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we bearers of hope, the “wait staff” at Hope’s Café, for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Didn’t get it together this week! See you next time. Blessings to you! Kate

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Cafe

In a moment of despair, fearing that the recent fall I took might have done some real damage to my back. I turned to a sure-fire remedy:  poetry.  Actually, I went to my email to search for a favorite site “inward/outward.” There I found a post on healing which included a link to another site where I discovered a beautiful poem by the talented Jan Richardson:

The Healing That Comes A Blessing

I know how long

you have been waiting

for your story to take

a different turn,

how far

you have gone in search

of what will mend you

and make you whole.

I bear no remedy,

no cure,

no miracle

for the easing

of your pain

But I know

the medicine

that lives in a story

that has been

broken open.

I know

the healing that comes

in ceasing

to hide ourselves away

with fingers clutched

around the fragments

we think are

none but ours.

See how they fit together,

these shards

we have been carrying—

how in their meeting

they make a way

we could not

find alone. 

The post I had first read that led me to the poem also had a comforting thought that I have held onto:

“…there is no assurance of physical healing, only the awareness that I am held in a great web of love.  No matter what happens to my body, my spirit can be whole and at peace.”

So many times I have experienced that “great web of love.” I am reminded I continue to be surrounded by that web and can be whole and at peace, regardless of my personal state. For that I am most grateful. If you are in great pain or dire circumstances, do listen to your body, pay attention to that web of love which holds so much comfort, support and guidance. 

The invitation is open to share two cups of tea anytime at Hope’s Café or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we bearers of hope, the “wait staff” at Hope’s Café, for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate