Arriving at Peace

I have been reading Washington: the Making of the American Capital.  I had no idea there had been so much conflict over something I suppose I assumed just naturally evolved.  Politics were in play in ways I had never imagined. 

“It would have made great practical sense for the government to simply remain in New York City.  Congress was comfortably settled there, and it offered amenities that no city besides Philadelphia could match,” author Fergus M. Bordewich wrote.  In fact, Philadelphia was floated as one choice but those pesky abolitionist Quakers were there making noises about eliminating slavery, still very much an open question.  Southern states advocated for something further south. 

“Alliances shifted constantly, lasting sometimes no more than a few days,” which left congressmen so exhausted “they hardly knew what they were voting on anymore.”  The compromises were many to resolve this and other critical issues, including how to manage the country’s large accumulated debt.  From its inception, the frail developing country had been on the brink of financial default.  Annual interest on national and state debts was $4.5 million when the federal operating budge was about $600,000 a year.  There was much anxiety and fear that without coming to some compromise, the nation would collapse.

On July 16, 1790, George Washington signed the assumption act (addressing the debt) and the residence act (establishing the capital in Washington D.C.).  They had come to an agreement but not without a lot of maneuverings and vitriol on both sides.  But because of each side’s willingness to give up some matters of importance to them, they were able to set the government on a sustainable path.

Peace comes at a price, not so much by bloodshed (of which we know there is plenty) but by willingness to forego insisting on one’s own way at any cost.  And while “A compromise is an agreement whereby neither party gets what they wanted” is in some aspects true, these early legislators were able to achieve a goal that in the larger scheme of things was to the advantage of both.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.Shalom, Kate 

Hope’s Café Bonus:  2 things to keep in mind:

              “Learn the wisdom of compromise for it is better to bend than to break.”— Jane Wells

              “Compromise doesn’t mean you are wrong and someone else is right.  It only means you value your relationship more than you value your ego.”  — Vacks Quotes

Travel Snippets

All along the way as we traveled to our destination in Africa, I experienced brief interactions that I treasure. 

  • Riding the Skylink in Dallas, two women with two children in tow, suddenly realized just as the doors were about to close, that they were where they had intended to disembark.  The women dashed out but the children froze in place as they saw the doors closing.  A young man sitting next to the door, calmly reached over and forced the door to stay open while the children raced through to join their mothers.
  • Many amazingly resilient children were among the travelers.  Over the thousands of miles we flew and the several airports we passed through, I saw weary parents but rarely saw any child expressing any distress or discontent.   One little girl who appeared to be about four, really captured my attention. Her head was covered with beautiful coils of braids. 

 Wearing a black and white striped ruffled dress that sported a sunny yellow bow on the bodice, she bounced around displaying a bright, happy confidence and bubbly spirit. 

  • On one flight, there was a medical emergency among the first class passengers.  The steward called for a doctor, nurse or EMT who might provide assistance.  After landing, we were told to wait while the patient was evacuated to the hospital.  Passengers spontaneously clapped when the pilot thanked the person who had responded to the call for help.
  • We made some new friends from Kansas who were also traveling to Lusaka.  The time passed very quickly during a long layover in Doha as we got acquainted.  We learned about the family business they had sold last year, one that was established by the husband’s grandfather and great uncle in 1935.  First developed to produce a feed for cattle, it had evolved into a pet food business that had spawned other related businesses which provide many jobs in their tiny Kansas town.  We discovered we both are celebrating wedding anniversaries this weekend.

I slept well last night and awoke to our seven-year-old grandson standing by the bed, waiting for me to wake up!  What a way to greet a new day!

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus:  On our final flight to Lusaka, I was engrossed in a movie, when I noticed in the cubicle next to me, where Terry had been sleeping, two women stewards were on their knees, bent over some task. Terry was not in evidence.  Having just been through the last flight where someone had had to be evacuated for emergency medical care, I immediately interpreted that Terry was on the floor in some medical distress. My heart began to pound, my throat got tight, tears were forming in my eyes when I saw Terry standing up across the aisle from his seat.   In fact, the two women were  working to remove Terry’s seat belt that had become stuck.   Grateful for this ‘reprieve’ I was reminded how life can change in an instant, thus calling me to live in awareness of each moment and to express my gratitude.

Space

Curiously, last week I wrote about “Spaces” but this week I am drawn to “Space,” as in Outer Space. Many of you will recall just where you were on July 20, 1969 when astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin “Buzz” Alrin landed on the moon.  How astounding that something that seemed inconceivable to the average American only years before, had come to pass.  Just seven years before, on February 20, 1962, our teachers had brought tvs into the classroom to witness John Glenn make the first orbital flight by an American astronaut.  One hundred thousand gathered to watch it take off.  Millions more watched it on television.

Before reading about it again, I had forgotten the drama involved in that flight of Friendship 7.   Prior to the end of the first orbit, the spacecraft control system began to malfunction, causing it to veer erratically.  Ultimately, Glenn had to return to manual control to maneuver the craft.

        Toward the end of Glenn’s third and last orbit, mission control received a mechanical signal from the spacecraft indicating that the heat shield on the base of the capsule was possibly loose. Traveling at its immense speed, the capsule would be incinerated if the shield failed to absorb and dissipate the extremely high reentry temperatures. It was decided that the craft’s retrorockets, usually jettisoned before reentry, would be left on in order to better secure the heat shield. Less than a minute later, Friendship 7 slammed into Earth’s atmosphere.

During Glenn’s fiery descent back to Earth, the straps holding the retrorockets gave way and flapped violently by his window as a shroud of ions caused by excessive friction enveloped the spacecraft, causing Glenn to lose radio contact with mission control. As mission control anxiously waited for the resumption of radio transmissions that would indicate Glenn’s survival, he watched flaming chunks of retrorocket fly by his window. After four minutes of radio silence, Glenn’s voice crackled through loudspeakers at mission control, and Friendship 7 splashed down safely in the Atlantic Ocean.

As space exploration has continued over the years, we seem to have lost our fascination with it, although some the private ventures of late have garnered a lot of attention.  One of the most notable efforts has been the land rovers as part of the Mars Exploration Program.  These motor vehicles are designed to travel on the surface of Mars and were sent there to:

  • Find more clues about the history of water on Mars
  • See if Mars could ever have supported life
  • Search for signs of ancient life on Mars
  • Collect samples of Mars rocks and soil that could help us better understand the planet’s geology
  • Characterize a wide range of rocks and soils for clues to past water activity on Mars

Whether you think this is worthwhile or a waste of money, you might agree that this capacity to explore is astounding.  May we never lose our wonder at this remarkable universe we inhabit. 

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus:  Socrates said “Wonder is the beginning of wisdom.”  How lovely that the names of the various  United States rovers that have operated on Mars over the years are Sojourner, Spirit, Opportunity, Curiosity, and Perseverance. (Russia currently has one named Zhurong).  There is also a robotic helicopter named Ingenuity. 

My Balm in Gilead

As I write this, I sit in one of my favorite spots, the Little Stone Church, our original church building, built in 1895, where I now do some of my office hours.  When I pastored in Florida, I loved to sit in the church courtyard, such a peaceful place.  I often sat there at the end of a workday just to center myself before moving on to other activities. 

In Tennessee, I loved sitting on the screen porch, drinking in the sounds of the woods.  My meditation space in the house was a comfort to me, my Balm in Gilead.  Terry and I have developed such an area in our house now where we do our quiet time after breakfast.  We are also blessed to have generous neighbors who invite us to sit under their pergola in their beautiful garden. 

I think of other times when I had reflective time before I even knew what I was doing.  In first grade I was a latchkey kid for 30 minutes or so before my older brother got home.  I loved the quiet of the house and enjoyed the solitude.  When I was 10, I was a taper lighter at my uncle’s wedding.  I kept the candle and would light it at night and lie quietly in bed for awhile before I blew it out and went to sleep.  Sometimes my father would come in and sit with me awhile and we would talk.  I have no idea what deep thoughts I might have had as a ten year old or what those conversations with my father might have consisted of.  But I know the memory is embedded in my heart and brings me such pleasure now to recall it.

Blaise Pascal is quoted as saying “All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit in a room alone.”  Perhaps he was right.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus: 7 ways to create a meditation space in your home

  • Choose soothing colours “It is a very modest space decorated in chalky whites and earthy tones with only a few accessories in natural materials like linen, wood and wicker. …
  • Add soft furnishings for comfort …
  • Create soft lighting for relaxation …
  • Make scent a part of your ritual …
  • Connect with nature …

7 ways to set up a calm meditation space at home | Calm Moment

http://www.calmmoment.com/mindfulness/how-to-make-your-own-meditation-space-

Precious Moments

One night this week we watched the movie “Air” with our daughter and son in law who have been visiting.  The movie depicts how Nike was able to pull themselves out of a slump by recruiting Michael Jordan to wear Nike shoes, although he was being courted by others and was more inclined to lend his name—and feet!—for their marketing.  His shrewd mother got him an excellent package deal that included a percentage of Nike’s earnings from their marketing of him.  This allowed Jordan to become enormously wealthy. 

As I sat there in our modest living room, basking in the pleasure of the company of my husband, our daughter and her husband I thought how no amount of money could provide the contentment I was experiencing in those precious moments together. 

So much of life consists of sweet moments strewn like rose petals along the path we traverse, even as we also encounter briars and pebbles, sometimes boulders and unexpected storms that erupt along the way.  Our challenge is to store those special times in our hearts so that we can easily retrieve them, relive them, for renewed pleasure, comfort, and encouragement.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus:  We are enhanced when we share our happiness with others and when we take pleasure in their joys as well.  And so I share with delight the joy of our friends Fred and Kathy in the birth of their first grandchild, Hannah Lanae, who jumped the gun and came about six weeks early but has been released from NICU this week.  Welcome, Hannah and congratulations to Sara and Jeramy!

Bed Rotting

This term startled me when I came across it this week.  Apparently popularized on Tik Tok, college students and young professionals seek this method of relaxing and coping with stress.   Kristi McDermott in the London Economic reports that:

“Essentially, bed rotting is a remix of an existing concept: the duvet day.  While older workers are likely to be conversant with the idea of an ad hoc day in which they can ditch work and veg out, Gen Z has given the idea of a self-care spin.

“Duvet days are a defined benefit which many companies offer as part of a wider employee package, and while your boss isn’t likely to give you a free day off to rot in bed anytime soon, the idea remains the same.”

McDermott suggests that the pandemic helped create the circumstances that gave rise to this, citing that Gen Z, having been initiated into working remotely, missed many cues about office protocol, opportunities for mentoring, feedback, and camaraderie.  This contributed to feelings of being overwhelmed and stressed as a result. She reports UK workers took a total of 23.3 million sick days last year due to poor mental health. Burnout is at an all-time high. 

While I applaud self-care and can appreciate a day in bed simply relaxing, reading, napping, as a routine means of coping this seems questionable.  I recall in my final semester of college, I went to bed every chance I got, escaping into sleep.  I was quite frightened of the adult world and the responsibilities I would be assuming for myself.  I approached my advisor, suggesting that I might stay for a graduate degree in Family Relations and Child Development.  My advisor, knowing my plan had been to eventually get a Master’s in Social Work in order to work as a therapist, said “You can do that, but you will never be able to do with that degree what you will be able to do with an MSW.”  So I gathered up my courage and began to seek employment and housing.

This week I saw a sign that said, “Our parents never told us that growing up was a trap.”  I found it humorous and yet somehow disheartening.  My avoidance of accepting adult challenges in my senior year pales in comparison to the current trend that seems to cower in the face of “adulting,” the term that is frequently bandied about.  Something deeper than the reluctance I felt in college seems imbedded in the notion of “adulting,” a sense that growing up is repulsive. At a time when we so need mature people who can think and behave rationally, this trend does not serve us well, individually or collectively.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus: You deserve something to give you a smile after this blog.  “Growing up is a barbarous business, full of inconvenience and pimples.”  Captain Hook, in Peter Pan.

Clouds

From a journal entry in June of 2007, as I attended my first residency in the Spiritual Guidance Program at Shalem:

“In the process of ‘Examen’ which Rosemary Dougherty has walked us through, I am aware of the phrase she used about “taking the blinders off,” our view being broadened.  I see that I have worn blinders, how rich life is when I pay attention.  We were dismissed to take some time alone.  I went outside where I put my head down on the picnic table, feeling some sense of ‘defeat.’  I will never grasp all of this!  But I also felt some sense of surrender.  When I finally raised my head, I saw the trees before me and was immediately aware of all the various shades of green.  And then I noticed all the shades of green in the grass.  Noticing the clouds moving ever so slowly and deliberately,  I thought about ‘Be patient with the slow work of God.’ Next I paid attention to a yellow butterfly flitting across the grass—so busy, not really landing anywhere.  I thought of myself and how God keeps moving slowly, deliberately while I am busy flitting about like the butterfly. 

“Looking at the clouds again, I thought about all the people who had dreamed of how to construct something to get into the sky to take flight.  How awesome to have such big dreams and how much faith they must have had to pursue something that in some sense was so unimaginable, incomprehensible.  My own dreams seem so to me yet I keep pursuing them, even when I doubt them, even when I think perhaps I have misunderstood.”

Perhaps it was after that experience that I began to pay more attention to the clouds.  Truly I am fascinated by them, sometimes appearing “stalwart,” as though they are guarding the sky; sometimes scudding along as though they are in a great hurry to be someplace else; sometimes drifting aimlessly. Living now in Montana, in “Big Sky country,” I am forever intrigued by the immensity of the sky and the drama played out by the clouds. 

Yes, indeed, life is so rich when we pay attention!

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus: I have dozens and dozens of beautiful cloud photos and I know I have uploaded photos to my posts before. But I have spent an entire evening attempting to upload a cloud photo. So for now, I leave you with this quote: “Clouds, they make a painting out of the sky.”—Marty Rubin

Just Breathe!

As I exercised to some Silver Sneakers videos today, I was impressed by how often the leaders would remind folks to breathe!  Would you think we would need to be instructed to breathe?  And yet we do.

As part of my therapy practice, I focused on stress management, relaxation, breathing techniques.  I made a CD of relaxation exercises.  However, I am noticing lately that I am often taking in shallow breaths, even at times unconsciously holding my breath.  You may be familiar with the term “monkey mind, a distracted condition frequently experienced when people seek to meditate.  One of the directions in that circumstance is “return to the breath.” 

In my Face Book memories today, I had a post I had shared from Marci Richards Suelzer, a Licensed Professional Counselor who focuses on trauma, depression and anxiety.  One of her suggestions for coping with terrible things going on in the world, was to learn breathing techniques to calm both body and mind.  If you create such a peaceful place within, you can call it up when you need it.  One client I worked with myself, found it helpful to imagine sitting on the ocean floor, all the clamor above the ocean stilled down below.  Ms. Suelzer mentioned Insight Timer, which I have written about before and use almost daily.  If you have not discovered that app, I highly recommend that you check it out.

Although we think of breathing as natural,  there are many breathing exercises and particular methods called pursed lip breathing and diaphragmatic breathing  which  are recommended to be practiced 5-10 minutes daily.

A person can perform the following steps while lying down or sitting up straight in a chair.

  1. Place both hands on the abdomen, feeling the rise and fall of each breath.
  1. Close the mouth and take a slow breath in through the nose, while feeling the abdomen rise and inflate like a balloon.
  2. Breathe out slowly through pursed lips, as if blowing bubbles, with each expiratory breath taking about two to three times as long as each inhalation.
  3. Repeat these steps for 5–10 minutes. Keep the hands on the abdomen to help improve awareness of the correct breathing technique.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus:  Some other recommendations include sleeping on one’s side with pillow under the head and pillow between the knees;  proper posture; regular meditation; and even singing!  (People with Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease—COPD—who sing regularly reduce their shortness of breath and are better able to manage their symptoms.)

The Storm Within

In response to last week’s post, one reader wrote “The storms that rage within us are sometimes equally powerful with those that rage around us.”  How true!

Brianna Wiest, in an article that I discovered on something called the Thought Catalog, concurs.  “Being in an internal conflict can be one of the most stressful and devastating things in life, far beyond being in an external conflict.  This is because in an external conflict, you ultimately ‘win’ or ‘lose,’ and are forced to accept that outcome.  When you’re struggling with an internal conflict, it feels as though there is no good way to resolve it, because either way you are going to lose somehow.”

Wiest names eight types of internal conflict to include: moral conflict, sexual conflict, religious conflict, political conflict, love conflict, self-image conflict, interpersonal conflict and existential conflict.  On this Memorial Day weekend, I think particularly of existential conflict.  The author uses the example that “someone can believe that war is an ultimate evil and is never excusable, but when certain precedents are presented that necessitate some kind of conflict for the sake of protecting other human beings, that person may find themselves unable to discern what the ‘right’ thing to do is.”

I first knew my now husband when he was in graduate school, only recently having been released from the army, where he had served two tours in Vietnam.  I had no idea how he was struggling to come to terms with having to kill or be killed.  He had the benefit of other vets who were also in the School of Social Work and a field instructor who helped him with that struggle.  A bright student, he threw himself into his studies, another aspect of his healing, as he prepared himself to serve in a helping profession.  He was fortunate to have these resources as this was before PTSD was officially recognized in 1980, which resulted in more services being offered.

We honor those who lost their lives, and those who struggle to manage theirs.

 May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus:  I may come back to some of the other eight types of internal conflict in future posts.  For now I leave you with this quote from Anatomy of Peace:  “Sometimes we might be forced to defend ourselves….But that is a different thing than saying that we are forced to despise, to rage, to denigrate, to belittle.”

Calm in the Storm

Two days before my sixth birthday, I was sitting in the living room with my family.  We were having family devotions, something my mother had just instituted following a two- week revival at our church.  Somehow one of my brothers had been excused from this and was out on the front porch just outside our living room. 

Suddenly, my brother called out to our father, “Daddy, come look at this funny cloud!”  My father went out and the next minutes are a blur. Clueless as to what was going on, I found myself tossed under a mattress in the hallway.  I’m not sure where everyone else went.  There were only two tiny closets in the house and a small bathtub with an exterior window.  We actually had a basement, but my mother was so frightened she forgot we had one.

We on the southwest side of our small town were largely spared.  The northeast side was devastated. Milli, a girl who would later become my best friend in grade school, lost her mother in the storm, as did a boy in my class named Greg.  As an adult, Milli shared with me the horror of that night.  There were makeshift mortuaries and she and her family could not find where her mother had been taken. 

All the following summer, we kids played “tornado,” running to hide from the storm, intuitively seeking to recover from the trauma. You can google “Blackwell, Okla. Tornado 1955” and find photos and reports of the storm.  The tornado proceeded on to Udall, Kansas, where it caused equal devastation. 

This led to some improvements in developing storm tracking and in tornado sirens.  However, four years later, I recall no warnings as I walked to school.  Arriving a little late, I heard the tardy bell as I crossed the playground.  Despite the beautiful May morning, I remember being aware that not one bird was making a sound.  No breath of air stirred the trees.  Eerie silence took hold. 

I had just gotten to my seat in the classroom, which was by a full-length glass window, when apparently the sirens went off.  I really don’t remember that.  I just remember the teacher demanding we get under our desks.  That window next to me went crashing into the room, cutting my hand and arm.  Our classrooms were arranged in three parallel wings.  The wing in the middle totally lost the roof, soaking everyone there.  We were all crying as we waited for our parents to come rescue us.

Years later, as a recent high school graduate, I had been out one night with a girlfriend getting pizza. We sat visiting in the car after I drove her home.  As it began to rain, the tornado sirens erupted.  She urged me to come inside.  Foolishly, I said “No.  My mother will freak out if I am not home in a storm.”  I can remember vividly driving away from her house, just as every streetlight in town went out.  Such inky darkness I have never seen.  I couldn’t tell if I were in an intersection and I feared someone else as foolish as I would plow into me.  I crept along but eventually crashed into the back of a parked car.  My father worked the night shift at the newspaper.  Over the police scanner he heard the report about the crash and was distressed to hear the driver was me!

The reason my mother was frightened related to her own experience with tornadoes.  When she was four, living in Shawnee, Okla., my grandmother gathered her and her two-year old brother on either side of her as she knelt on the kitchen floor, my mother’s baby brother in my grandmother’s lap, as my grandmother prayed for their safety.  That memory was embedded in her.  She had always preached to us to get home whenever there was a storm coming.  I just overreacted to her admonition without thinking. 

I have lived through many tornadoes since then.  Once my husband Terry was in Texas helping our daughter and son in law prepare to move to Georgia.  Because I had had back surgery, I elected not to make the trip.  When tornado warnings were issued one morning, I gathered our two Great Pyrenees, and one of the cats and headed to the bathroom in the indoor basement. That made for quite a cozy arrangement!  One of our dogs and the cat I had managed to get downstairs, were very anxious creatures but stayed amazingly calm with me.  I myself was quite calm.   

On the other hand, Terry was beside himself in Texas.  He couldn’t reach me because I had no cell coverage due to the storm.   He had good reason to be alarmed.  We lived on one side of White Oak Mountain.  On the back side of the mountain there was not a tree left standing.  Homes within a few miles of us were totally destroyed. We suffered only a few trees down.  Our house was entirely spared.

My calm in that storm must have enabled my normally anxious animals to remain relaxed as well.  There is a saying: “You can’t calm the storm, so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself.  The storm will pass.” (Timber Hawkeye)

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Cafe Bonus: Imagine the difference we might make in the world if we all practiced and projected a sense of calm.