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I was having such a good day.  I was writing my sermon.  I was in the flow.  Terry asked me for the number to Geek Squad and I just quickly googled and got back to my sermon.  With all the scammers out there, never google quickly!  I had given him a look-alike Geek Squad number and in a matter of minutes all kinds of information was in the hands of a scammer. 

As soon as we realized it was a scammer, we began the process of damage control.  The folks at USAA were very helpful.  Our local banker recommended I freeze our credit on the three credit reporting agencies, which I did.  Our LifeLock put a fraud alert on our account.  All charges that were made on our account were credited back to us. 

So I sought to focus on all the people who had been kind and helpful in the midst of a frightening situation. I thought of all the difficulties we had survived over the years.   Following the practice I put in place when we were defrauded by our business manager in our counseling business, I prayed for the scammer.  I prayed primarily to keep myself from staying agitated or getting bitter.  But I admit I also prayed he might find a better line of work. 

 Despite still feeling rather ragged and a little “edgy,” I decided to attempt achieving a repair on my phone.  For a couple of weeks I had been navigating a maze trying accomplish this repair.    I had been given incorrect information and sent first one place and then another.  Directed by Spectrum to Geek Squad at Best Buy, I mentioned to the employee that we had already been through a scam this week.  He said the previous week a woman brought in her computer, unaware she had been scammed until he checked her device.   She had lost $1800 that couldn’t be recovered.  We were not alone in this misfortune. (Always good to remember that whatever “stew” you are in, others have been there, too.  They might even be there at this very moment.)

 Awaiting Geek Squad to back up my phone, I felt emotionally washed out.   Terry said something very funny and I burst out laughing.  What great medicine laughter is! I felt immediate relief. 

Driving home from Best Buy, we stopped at a favorite ice cream spot and treated ourselves.  I considered that good medicine too!

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus: Falling into a sense of victimhood is a trap.  Find a way to rise above it.  “Self-Care is how you take your power back.” Developgoodhabits.com

My great niece posted those words on her Facebook page.  Intrigued, I searched for the quote and discovered the complete quote, which is: “Have a good day on purpose, then elevate your efforts towards other and enjoy a great day.”  Ms. Toni Jenkins, author of a book titled Been Through It All,  is credited with the quote.  Jenkins’ book describes her difficult upbringing in a culture of drugs and abuse  and her ultimate survival.

              I thought of Abraham Lincoln’s statement that “People are usually about as happy as they make up their minds to be,” quite surprising given his propensity for depression.  His law partner gave the description that “His melancholy dripped from him as he walked.”  His best friend once had to remove razors and any other means of self-harm.  Another time neighbors stood suicide watch due to his talk of self-destruction.  Certainly he had the makings of depression.  At age nine he helped carve his mother’s casket.  His sister died at age 21.  He lost two young sons.  He faced many other challenges as well.

              In an age when suicide is the third leading cause of death in 15-24 year olds, and every day approximately 132 people die by suicide, these two quotes would seem to have a common theme of hope.  Life is possible even in the face of the most difficult of circumstances. Lincoln is still regarded as a great man and president. Jenkins is inspiring others to overcome their own obstacles.

              This is not to minimize how painful life can be nor how appealing it might be to someone to be free of the pain.  In the course of my career as a therapist, I had two people who died by suicide.  One was a young man, who at 18 was presented with a list from his mother of everything she had done and spent on his behalf, with the expectation that he pay her in full.  His sense of worthlessness was pervasive and no matter what safeguards we tried to put in place, his intention was to be released from what had been a miserable life.  The other was a widow with a lot of health problems, whose primary reason she felt to keep going was for her pet bird.  When she made arrangements for the bird, I feared she was going to soon seek the opportunity.  She actually was in the emergency room for an overdose when she found meds unmonitored and took all of them.  One must have great empathy for the immensity of the burdens some carry.

              On the other hand, a woman I had been seeing in therapy called me one day to say she had been to her lawyer, written her will and made arrangements for care for her seven year-old daughter.  She said she was on her way to kill herself and wanted to tell me goodbye.  In a voice I did not even recognize as my own, I heard myself say “No! You will come directly to my office immediately.”  Thankfully she did as this was before the era when there were crisis intervention teams and more resources for suicidal people.  She rallied and was able to recover her functioning. 

              It is not our job to be “saviors.”  But we can be companions on the journey.  As Ram Dass said “We’re all just walking each other home.”

              May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus:  We are urged to be more cautious about terminology when talking about suicide.  “Commit suicide” hearkens to the time when this was considered sinful, in the category of “committing adultery” or “committing a crime.”  Journalists are urged not to sensationalize reporting of suicides as that has the result of affecting vulnerable people inclined to self-harm. 

This week I saw an interview of a doctor who keeps returning to Syria as war rages on there, punctuated by the additional tragedy and loss of life caused by the February 6 earthquake. The interviewer asked him what motivates him to come back repeatedly.  His response?  “I consider it a form of bearing witness.  It is about connection, advocacy, solidarity.”

After pondering all week his powerful statement, and even more his compelling commitment, I explored further discussion of the topic of “bearing witness.”  Kristi Pikiewicz, Ph.D.,who has been managing editor of the American Psychological Association’s Division of Psychotherapy DIVISION/Review, published a dynamic, succinct article, regarding this topic.  She speaks of how this term applies in psychology, in the legal arena, in art. 

“  Sharing ourselves with others opens up a space where there once was none… Although the tale of human experience is certainly universal, it contains unique elements for each us and we continue the art of storytelling, both verbally and nonverbally, each and every day. While some stories are sweeter than others, all long for the benefit and necessity of a witness, for a witness assures us that our stories are heard, contained, and transcend time; for it can be said that one is never truly forgotten when one is shared and carried in the hearts of others,” Pikiewicz concludes.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus:  “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”  Maya Angelou

When I was in junior high, my parents moved from a small town where I had lived since birth, to a larger town very different in character from the one from which I moved.  I struggled through eighth grade to find a place for myself.  In ninth grade, I sometimes had a group of four friends. Sometimes I had two sets of friends when the four would split up in petty arguments.  My favor would be sought by each side, encouraging me to support their “side” of the disagreement.  I sometimes attempted to be peacemaker.  More often, I sat it out on the sidelines, as they were not very receptive to my efforts.  I could hardly believe they could so easily find cause for dissension.     

              Years ago, when my daughter was small, I acquired a battered little book called Let’s Be Enemies.  I think a friend whose children were older passed it on to me.  Ironically, it did indeed look like a couple of “enemies” had used it to bash each other.  The book told the story of two little boys who got into some conflict and swore never to be friends anymore.  Yet in a very short time, they discovered their friendship was more important than their disagreement. 

              As I contemplate the world today, I long for people to see their differences as less important than their commonalities, their self-interests in the context of mutual cooperation for the greater good.  I came across an interesting article on the site “How to Heal Our Divides” by David McRaney,  which addresses the author’s questions of:  Why do we argue? What purpose does it serve? Is all this bickering online helping or hurting us?

              McRaney invited famed cognitive scientist Hugo Mercier, an expert on human reasoning and argumentation to be a guest on his show.  Mercier explained that we evolved to reach consensus.  “Groups that did a better job of reaching consensus, by both producing and evaluating arguments, were better at reaching communal goals and out-survived those that didn’t,” Mercier reported. 

              Consensus seems predicated on the willingness to listen to others and also to taking time to educate oneself on the issues, two characteristics that seem sadly lacking.  Critical thinking is in short supply, a matter for another blog!

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus:  “But just as they did in Philadelphia when they were writing the constitution, sooner or later, you’ve got to compromise. You’ve got to start making the compromises that arrive at a consensus and move the country forward.”

Colin Powell

Easter was rather subdued this year.  This winter has been a strangely hard one, a yo-yo of cold and snow interspersed with warm temperatures that keep the roads muddy from unfinished road work last fall.  The weather seems undecided what it wants to do.  Life itself feels uncertain.  In this post-Easter season which seems perhaps more “aftermath” than “afterglow,” I ponder “Days of Joy and Laughter.”

For centuries in Eastern Orthodox, Catholic and Protestant countries, the week following Easter Sunday, included “Bright Sunday,” (The Sunday After Easter).  It was observed by the faithful as “Days Of Joy And Laughter” with parties and picnics to celebrate Jesus’ resurrection.  Churchgoers and pastors played practical jokes on each other, drenched each other with water, told jokes, sang and danced.

 This custom was begun by the Greeks in the early centuries of Christianity and was known as “Holy Humor Sunday.” Still celebrated in some churches, it is sometimes known as “Joke Sunday”, as in the joke is on the devil because Jesus conquered death. 

How do we recapture that sense of lighthearted living, that capability to rebound from disappointment or hardship?  Ironically, or perhaps not, April is National Stress Awareness Month.  (I learned this from my Silver Sneakers site, which was promoting healthful habits like proper nutrition and exercise.  I am now signed up for Zumba online in the morning.  We’ll see how that goes!)

I am reminded that one way to address difficulties is to pay attention to one’s body, the signals we give ourselves of what we need.  I can fight sleep like a child when what my body is saying is “Please take me to bed.  I’m tired.”  I can reach for sweets when I’m fully aware that a dose of protein is what my body is in search of.  I can collapse on the couch when my awareness is that I would feel so much better if I took even a short walk.  Yes, yes, of course, sometimes it can be wise to collapse on the couch or to have that cookie. We can indulge ourselves in some way without making it an habitual practice. 

And, as always, we can stop long enough to ask ourselves, “What am I grateful for in this moment?”  “Count your blessings!” as the old hymn goes. 

Let us live into spring, giving attention to our wellbeing and our blessings. 

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus: Recipe for Life from Thrifty Fun (*or I suggest design your own. 😊)

Ingredients:

• 1 cup good thoughts
• 1 cup consideration for others
• 1 cup kind deeds
• 3 cups forgiveness
• 2 cups well beaten faults
• Tears of joy, sorrow and sympathy
• 4 cup prayer and faith

Back in my therapist days, I went to a workshop that included an exercise  related to self-esteem.  I recall half of us sat in a circle while the other half walked around the circle whispering affirmations in our ears.  One woman whispered “You have the most beautiful smile.”  I had never given any thought to my smile.  But I certainly was aware of it after that.

One day I was at an outdoor café and a woman I had worked with years before called out to me as she walked by.  She came over and said “I would have known that smile anywhere!” 

As I had become more aware of my smile, I was more conscious of taking time to smile at people.  Once, on a break from another workshop in downtown Chattanooga, I took the opportunity for a short walk.  I encountered a homeless man, disheveled looking, hunched over as he walked.  He lifted his head and I smiled at him.  He broke out in a smile and stood up straight.  He went on his way, as did I, never a word exchanged.  Yet something significant seemed to have happened.

As I write this blog, it is Maundy Thursday, the day Christians call to remembrance Jesus’ last meal with the disciples before his death.  Scripture recounts his washing the disciples’ feet, a symbol of humility and serving one another.  For many years, there was a priest in Chattanooga who made a ministry of  washing and treating the feet of the homeless.  What a powerful gesture! What a ministry!

We really have so many opportunities to uplift one another if we take the time to notice.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus:  “Most smiles are started by another smile.”

As a kid, Saturday mornings were fantastic:  grab a bowl of cereal and take in the cartoons and other Saturday morning fare.  As an adult, Saturdays became more regimented:  get the laundry and housecleaning chores underway.  But since I began this current pastorate, some Saturdays have become real treats because periodically we have craft days.

 While we often do a craft associated with the season of the year, today, as we enter into “Holy Week,” I led “Wind of Spirit, Beads of Blessing.”  We enjoyed visiting with one another while we made wind chimes and prayer beads, with beautiful results. 

Prayer beads and wind chimes both have been around for centuries.  The exact origin of prayer beads remains uncertain but their earliest use probably traces to Hindu prayers in India.  Buddhism likely borrowed the concept from Hinduism.  They vary in their use by the different traditions which include Islam, Catholic, Eastern Orthodox, Bahai, and more recently Protestant denominations.  Jews use knots on their prayer shawls for the same purpose. The intent, however, is the same: to increase focus during prayer time. 

In 1980, an Episcopal group in Texas, exploring methods of prayer, devised Anglican prayer beads, which have 33 beads representing the 33 years of Jesus’ life.  Some traditions use 99 prayer beads, some 108.  Catholics have 54.  All numbers have symbolic meaning to that particular tradition. 

Wind chimes do not have the same purpose but many people experience them as meditative and spiritually uplifting.  The harmonious sounds can represent balance, harmony and blessings.  As chimes sway in the breeze, they symbolize the ever-changing nature of life and the importance of embracing change with grace and resilience.  In Biblical times the high priests’ garments were adorned with bells in the belief that the sound warded off evil when they were in the midst of their sacred duties.  And the use of cymbals was crucial in religious ceremonies.

Of course, as much as I enjoyed the crafts today, it was the sense of community engendered as we worked together that was the greatest blessing. 

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus:  (Insert “women” where it says “girls” and you have a description of our time spent as friends together at craft day)  Girls should be strong together. Strong like steel, merry like the tinkling of chimes dancing in the wind. — Kristin Halbrook

In 2017 our son in law invited Terry to join him for a wood carving school in the tiny town of Elbigenalp, Austria.  Jenna and Sebastian and I tagged along.  She and I took a lot of walks and spent a lot of time on the little balcony outside our room, just comfortably chatting and  drinking in the scenery, while Sebastian played with his toys.    But one day, after Jenna had been out on a walk by herself, she returned  exclaiming, “Mom, you have to see this! There is a church with all these bones in it!”  

Later we trekked over to the church, descending many stone stairs to the “ossuary.”  An immense pile of skulls and bones were stacked behind some iron bars, an astounding sight I can tell you. 

An ossuary, or ossarium— a chamber for storing human bones—can be described as a place founded to house skeletal remains, often used when cemeteries are overcrowded and burial space is scarce, as, for example, during the plague in the Middle Ages. Bodies are first buried in a temporary grave, and later removed to allow for increased use of space. 

There is an even more extensive history of this practice.  Throughout ancient and medieval times and in the Catholic and Orthodox faiths, displaying and maintaining the bones of the deceased, was a way to honor the dead. The “Bone Church” in the Czech Republic contains 40,000 to 70,000, including an impressive chandelier of bones which contains at least one of every bone in the human body. 

The Bone Church is the result of the accumulation of bones after the mid-14^th century outbreak of the Black Death, followed by the Hussite Wars in the 15^th century.  The bones were piled up pyramid style in the basement where it was used an ossuary.  In 1870, a local woodcarver and carpenter was employed to organize the bones.  After bleaching and carving them, he decorated the interior of the church, which has been described as “a breathtaking macabre result.” 

Even earlier, Jews in the Jerusalem area practiced “ossilegium,” or secondary burial.  About a year after the initial burial, when the flesh had decomposed, the bones of the deceased were placed in a small stone box, called an ossuary.  These boxes were elaborately decorated and served a similar purpose to our preservation of the ashes of loved ones. 

Prior to the Jews use of “ossilegium,” the Zorastrians, used a deep well for this function as long as 3,000 years ago.  The called it “astudan,”  literally “the place for the bones,” and had many rituals and regulations regarding it.

Despite its practical application when burial space is limited, the bones were intended to remind people of their mortality, encourage them to live their lives morally, and to recognize death as the “great equalizer.”  One dies whether one is male or female, a king or a pauper, beloved or despised.  Worthy considerations as we age.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus:  “We all die. The goal isn’t to live forever, the goal is to create something that will” – Chuck Palahniuk

Consider the following:

“It is a particularly bitter irony that in the developed world with its bounty of goods and services, people increasingly struggle with what is termed time poverty.  They would much rather have a sense of time affluence; in fact, many have reported that they would prefer it to an increase in their income.

This comes from a book review of the book How to Inhabit Time:  Understanding the Past, Facing the Future, Living Faithfully Now.  The author draws from theology and philosophy, as well as from art history, literary criticism, and music theory. 

While  at some point we all have likely said “I just don’t have enough time,” the phrase “time poverty” apparently came into its current usage in the midst of the pandemic.  As more people were working from home, work and home life became more blurred.  Even more reliance on technology was another result, as we sought to stay connected when in-person gatherings were not advisable. 

In a fascinating article by Laura Giurge and Ashley Whillans, the authors explore time poverty and the various factors that contribute to it: “ Although wealth has risen around the world, material prosperity has not translated into an abundance of time; on the contrary, rising wealth often exacerbates feelings of time poverty . Defined as the chronic feeling of having too many things to do and not enough time to do them , time poverty is increasing in society. Data from the Gallup US Daily Poll – a nationally representative sample of US residents– shows that, in 2011, 70% of employed Americans reported that they “never had enough time,” and in 2018, this proportion increased to 80%.”

Giurge and Whillans identify organizational, institutional, and psychological factors that contribute to time poverty.  One example: globally the average for time spent commuting is 300 hours per year travelling to and from work.  Statistics on government paperwork are even more startling.   In 1980 the United States Congress passed the Paper Reduction Act, which was revised in 1995 to further address the time consumed in paperwork.  Yet Giurge and Whillan report that “In 2015, federal government paperwork demands cost US citizens 9.78 billion hours or the equivalent of $215 billion a year in lost wages. In 2019, the US Office of Information and Regulatory Affairs (OIRA)—the agency that oversees the implementation of governmental regulations—estimated that paperwork burdens had grown to 11.6 billion hours.”

These factors would seem to interplay.  Someone applying for Medicaid has eligibility paperwork that can range from 24 to 31 pages.  How difficult for some of these folks and how stressful and depressing that could be.

Despite the challenges these factors present, we can cultivate attitudes that are intentional about our use of time and that help us to care for ourselves and one another.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus:  “The bad news is time flies.  The good news is that you are the pilot.”  Michael Altshuler

 Four years ago, Terry and I were taking care of our grandson Sebastian.  Our son-in-law was immersed in a frantic effort to get from his work assignment in Africa to Maryland where our daughter was hospitalized in unexpected early labor.  As if that were not stressful enough, Sebastian woke up pulling his ear and crying “Take it off! Take it off!”  We got him quickly to the doctor’s office. His ear was so full of wax that it had to be cleared out before the ear could be examined.  In the following days, Sebastian was astonished by the gift of his renewed hearing.  He would frequently say “Listen!” or “Did you hear that?”  How much he had been missing!

Sebastian wasn’t hearing things because of his infected ears.  But how much do we miss because we simply aren’t paying attention?  Mary Oliver, whose poetry I have recently quoted in this blog, wrote “Instructions for living a life. Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.”  What a succinct and delightful formula.  What might be the outcome of living in such a way?  I would love to hear from readers about your own experiences with paying attention, how it impacted your experience of wonder, and how you have sought to share what you have discovered. Please put your comments in the spot designated for responses.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus: The good news from that week I described was that  our son- in- law was whisked from the airport directly to the hospital and was there for the birth of Sebastian’s baby brother, who arrived safely after several difficult days.   Happy fourth birthday, Gabriel!