Hope's Cafe

After a grueling 35 hour trip back from Africa and a 4 mile hike through the LA airport to our gate,  we arrived at the Bozeman airport to find our car quite dead.  The key fob wasn’t working to even get into it.  Alas!

However, multiple earth angels came to our rescue:

 Our handy-with-the-computer daughter in Chattanooga texted a screenshot of the instructions for how to start a car when the key fob wasn’t working and said that we would find a skeleton key inside the fob.

The airport policeman, who was checking on folks to see if they had the connections they needed or if he could be of help to anyone, went to see if he could help Terry.  By that time, Terry had gotten into the car with the skeleton key and was trying to start it.

When it was clear the battery was not going to budge, we called roadside assistance.  Amazingly, the fellow showed up in record time.  He loaded our luggage and me into his vehicle and we drove to where Terry waited with the car.  He was very cheerful and encouraging that this would quickly be resolved, which it was.

None of these efforts was extraordinary. Yet each was a demonstration of love in action, one human being reaching out to another human being in a time of need. 

I think of Mother Teresa’s words:

“Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary.  What we need is love without getting tired.

“How does a lamp burn?  Through the continuous input of small drops of oil.  If the drops of oil run out, the light of the lamp will cease, and the bridegroom will say, “I do not know you.” (Matthew 25:12)

“My daughters, what are these drops of oil in our lamps?  They are the small things of daily life:  faithfulness, punctuality, small words of kindness, a thought for others, our way of being silent of looking, of speaking, and of acting.  These are the true drops of love…

“Be faithful in the small things because it is in them that your strength lies.”

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate 

Hope’s Café Bonus: “Act as if what you do makes a difference.  It does.”  — William James

What one comes across on the internet is sometimes enlightening…sometimes “not so much.”

I happened across this week an article recommending the four things to do each morning in order to live a long, healthy life.  The author named: 1) a cup of coffee; 2) a healthy breakfast (not defined); squats (not specified how many); and 4) saying something positive to the first person you see in the morning.  I would label this in the “not so much” category.

              People aged 90-101 were interviewed in the village of Italy’s Cilento region, known for the prevalence of people older than 9 in a study reported in Time Magazine in December 2017.

The article quoted a study published in International Psychogeriatrics. “The participants filled out standardized questionnaires and also participated in interviews on topics such as migration, traumatic events and beliefs. Younger family members were also asked their impressions of their older relatives’ personality traits,” the author reported.

          What they discovered were common traits:  resilience, adaptability, positivity, a strong work ethic, close bonds with family, religion and the countryside.  Despite their being less healthy than villagers 51 to 75, their mental health was analyzed as better. 

          I wondered about the relationship between positivity and gratitude.  A description I found in a Psychology Today article in December 2020 described gratitude as a “gateway to positivity.” Consider this as reported by the author:

“Gratitude increases dopamine and serotonin levels in the brain, which serve as key neurotransmitters that give us feelings of contentment. If we are grateful more often, the happiness-producing neural pathways strengthen, just as exercise strengthens the body.”

As you navigate life, may you find many reasons to experience gratitude.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus:  Here are some tips about how to increase gratitude:

Write three things down before bedtime for which you are grateful.

Keep a gratitude journal.

Make a family or personal gratitude jar.

Practice “mental subtraction,” which is to imagine what your life would look like if certain positive events had not occurred.

Take a “gratitude walk” by yourself or with a companion. Think about (or discuss) the things you appreciate about the people, places or things you see along the way. 

Write thank you notes.  😊—some suggestions from Johns Hopkins’ Student Wellbeing Blog

I have been reading Washington: the Making of the American Capital.  I had no idea there had been so much conflict over something I suppose I assumed just naturally evolved.  Politics were in play in ways I had never imagined. 

“It would have made great practical sense for the government to simply remain in New York City.  Congress was comfortably settled there, and it offered amenities that no city besides Philadelphia could match,” author Fergus M. Bordewich wrote.  In fact, Philadelphia was floated as one choice but those pesky abolitionist Quakers were there making noises about eliminating slavery, still very much an open question.  Southern states advocated for something further south. 

“Alliances shifted constantly, lasting sometimes no more than a few days,” which left congressmen so exhausted “they hardly knew what they were voting on anymore.”  The compromises were many to resolve this and other critical issues, including how to manage the country’s large accumulated debt.  From its inception, the frail developing country had been on the brink of financial default.  Annual interest on national and state debts was $4.5 million when the federal operating budge was about $600,000 a year.  There was much anxiety and fear that without coming to some compromise, the nation would collapse.

On July 16, 1790, George Washington signed the assumption act (addressing the debt) and the residence act (establishing the capital in Washington D.C.).  They had come to an agreement but not without a lot of maneuverings and vitriol on both sides.  But because of each side’s willingness to give up some matters of importance to them, they were able to set the government on a sustainable path.

Peace comes at a price, not so much by bloodshed (of which we know there is plenty) but by willingness to forego insisting on one’s own way at any cost.  And while “A compromise is an agreement whereby neither party gets what they wanted” is in some aspects true, these early legislators were able to achieve a goal that in the larger scheme of things was to the advantage of both.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate 

Hope’s Café Bonus:  2 things to keep in mind:

              “Learn the wisdom of compromise for it is better to bend than to break.”— Jane Wells

              “Compromise doesn’t mean you are wrong and someone else is right.  It only means you value your relationship more than you value your ego.”  — Vacks Quotes

All along the way as we traveled to our destination in Africa, I experienced brief interactions that I treasure. 

• Riding the Skylink in Dallas, two women with two children in tow, suddenly realized just as the doors were about to close, that they were where they had intended to disembark.  The women dashed out but the children froze in place as they saw the doors closing.  A young man sitting next to the door, calmly reached over and forced the door to stay open while the children raced through to join their mothers.
• Many amazingly resilient children were among the travelers.  Over the thousands of miles we flew and the several airports we passed through, I saw weary parents but rarely saw any child expressing any distress or discontent.   One little girl who appeared to be about four, really captured my attention. Her head was covered with beautiful coils of braids. 

 Wearing a black and white striped ruffled dress that sported a sunny yellow bow on the bodice, she bounced around displaying a bright, happy confidence and bubbly spirit. 

• On one flight, there was a medical emergency among the first class passengers.  The steward called for a doctor, nurse or EMT who might provide assistance.  After landing, we were told to wait while the patient was evacuated to the hospital.  Passengers spontaneously clapped when the pilot thanked the person who had responded to the call for help.
• We made some new friends from Kansas who were also traveling to Lusaka.  The time passed very quickly during a long layover in Doha as we got acquainted.  We learned about the family business they had sold last year, one that was established by the husband’s grandfather and great uncle in 1935.  First developed to produce a feed for cattle, it had evolved into a pet food business that had spawned other related businesses which provide many jobs in their tiny Kansas town.  We discovered we both are celebrating wedding anniversaries this weekend.

I slept well last night and awoke to our seven-year-old grandson standing by the bed, waiting for me to wake up!  What a way to greet a new day!

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus:  On our final flight to Lusaka, I was engrossed in a movie, when I noticed in the cubicle next to me, where Terry had been sleeping, two women stewards were on their knees, bent over some task. Terry was not in evidence.  Having just been through the last flight where someone had had to be evacuated for emergency medical care, I immediately interpreted that Terry was on the floor in some medical distress. My heart began to pound, my throat got tight, tears were forming in my eyes when I saw Terry standing up across the aisle from his seat.   In fact, the two women were  working to remove Terry’s seat belt that had become stuck.   Grateful for this ‘reprieve’ I was reminded how life can change in an instant, thus calling me to live in awareness of each moment and to express my gratitude.

Curiously, last week I wrote about “Spaces” but this week I am drawn to “Space,” as in Outer Space. Many of you will recall just where you were on July 20, 1969 when astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin “Buzz” Alrin landed on the moon.  How astounding that something that seemed inconceivable to the average American only years before, had come to pass.  Just seven years before, on February 20, 1962, our teachers had brought tvs into the classroom to witness John Glenn make the first orbital flight by an American astronaut.  One hundred thousand gathered to watch it take off.  Millions more watched it on television.

Before reading about it again, I had forgotten the drama involved in that flight of Friendship 7.   Prior to the end of the first orbit, the spacecraft control system began to malfunction, causing it to veer erratically.  Ultimately, Glenn had to return to manual control to maneuver the craft.

        Toward the end of Glenn’s third and last orbit, mission control received a mechanical signal from the spacecraft indicating that the heat shield on the base of the capsule was possibly loose. Traveling at its immense speed, the capsule would be incinerated if the shield failed to absorb and dissipate the extremely high reentry temperatures. It was decided that the craft’s retrorockets, usually jettisoned before reentry, would be left on in order to better secure the heat shield. Less than a minute later, Friendship 7 slammed into Earth’s atmosphere.

During Glenn’s fiery descent back to Earth, the straps holding the retrorockets gave way and flapped violently by his window as a shroud of ions caused by excessive friction enveloped the spacecraft, causing Glenn to lose radio contact with mission control. As mission control anxiously waited for the resumption of radio transmissions that would indicate Glenn’s survival, he watched flaming chunks of retrorocket fly by his window. After four minutes of radio silence, Glenn’s voice crackled through loudspeakers at mission control, and Friendship 7 splashed down safely in the Atlantic Ocean.

As space exploration has continued over the years, we seem to have lost our fascination with it, although some the private ventures of late have garnered a lot of attention.  One of the most notable efforts has been the land rovers as part of the Mars Exploration Program.  These motor vehicles are designed to travel on the surface of Mars and were sent there to:

• Find more clues about the history of water on Mars
• See if Mars could ever have supported life
• Search for signs of ancient life on Mars
• Collect samples of Mars rocks and soil that could help us better understand the planet’s geology
• Characterize a wide range of rocks and soils for clues to past water activity on Mars

Whether you think this is worthwhile or a waste of money, you might agree that this capacity to explore is astounding.  May we never lose our wonder at this remarkable universe we inhabit. 

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus:  Socrates said “Wonder is the beginning of wisdom.”  How lovely that the names of the various  United States rovers that have operated on Mars over the years are Sojourner, Spirit, Opportunity, Curiosity, and Perseverance. (Russia currently has one named Zhurong).  There is also a robotic helicopter named Ingenuity. 

As I write this, I sit in one of my favorite spots, the Little Stone Church, our original church building, built in 1895, where I now do some of my office hours.  When I pastored in Florida, I loved to sit in the church courtyard, such a peaceful place.  I often sat there at the end of a workday just to center myself before moving on to other activities. 

In Tennessee, I loved sitting on the screen porch, drinking in the sounds of the woods.  My meditation space in the house was a comfort to me, my Balm in Gilead.  Terry and I have developed such an area in our house now where we do our quiet time after breakfast.  We are also blessed to have generous neighbors who invite us to sit under their pergola in their beautiful garden. 

I think of other times when I had reflective time before I even knew what I was doing.  In first grade I was a latchkey kid for 30 minutes or so before my older brother got home.  I loved the quiet of the house and enjoyed the solitude.  When I was 10, I was a taper lighter at my uncle’s wedding.  I kept the candle and would light it at night and lie quietly in bed for awhile before I blew it out and went to sleep.  Sometimes my father would come in and sit with me awhile and we would talk.  I have no idea what deep thoughts I might have had as a ten year old or what those conversations with my father might have consisted of.  But I know the memory is embedded in my heart and brings me such pleasure now to recall it.

Blaise Pascal is quoted as saying “All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit in a room alone.”  Perhaps he was right.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus: 7 ways to create a meditation space in your home

• Choose soothing colours “It is a very modest space decorated in chalky whites and earthy tones with only a few accessories in natural materials like linen, wood and wicker. …
• Add soft furnishings for comfort …
• Create soft lighting for relaxation …
• Make scent a part of your ritual …
• Connect with nature …

7 ways to set up a calm meditation space at home | Calm Moment

http://www.calmmoment.com/mindfulness/how-to-make-your-own-meditation-space-

One night this week we watched the movie “Air” with our daughter and son in law who have been visiting.  The movie depicts how Nike was able to pull themselves out of a slump by recruiting Michael Jordan to wear Nike shoes, although he was being courted by others and was more inclined to lend his name—and feet!—for their marketing.  His shrewd mother got him an excellent package deal that included a percentage of Nike’s earnings from their marketing of him.  This allowed Jordan to become enormously wealthy. 

As I sat there in our modest living room, basking in the pleasure of the company of my husband, our daughter and her husband I thought how no amount of money could provide the contentment I was experiencing in those precious moments together. 

So much of life consists of sweet moments strewn like rose petals along the path we traverse, even as we also encounter briars and pebbles, sometimes boulders and unexpected storms that erupt along the way.  Our challenge is to store those special times in our hearts so that we can easily retrieve them, relive them, for renewed pleasure, comfort, and encouragement.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus:  We are enhanced when we share our happiness with others and when we take pleasure in their joys as well.  And so I share with delight the joy of our friends Fred and Kathy in the birth of their first grandchild, Hannah Lanae, who jumped the gun and came about six weeks early but has been released from NICU this week.  Welcome, Hannah and congratulations to Sara and Jeramy!

This term startled me when I came across it this week.  Apparently popularized on Tik Tok, college students and young professionals seek this method of relaxing and coping with stress.   Kristi McDermott in the London Economic reports that:

“Essentially, bed rotting is a remix of an existing concept: the duvet day.  While older workers are likely to be conversant with the idea of an ad hoc day in which they can ditch work and veg out, Gen Z has given the idea of a self-care spin.

“Duvet days are a defined benefit which many companies offer as part of a wider employee package, and while your boss isn’t likely to give you a free day off to rot in bed anytime soon, the idea remains the same.”

McDermott suggests that the pandemic helped create the circumstances that gave rise to this, citing that Gen Z, having been initiated into working remotely, missed many cues about office protocol, opportunities for mentoring, feedback, and camaraderie.  This contributed to feelings of being overwhelmed and stressed as a result. She reports UK workers took a total of 23.3 million sick days last year due to poor mental health. Burnout is at an all-time high. 

While I applaud self-care and can appreciate a day in bed simply relaxing, reading, napping, as a routine means of coping this seems questionable.  I recall in my final semester of college, I went to bed every chance I got, escaping into sleep.  I was quite frightened of the adult world and the responsibilities I would be assuming for myself.  I approached my advisor, suggesting that I might stay for a graduate degree in Family Relations and Child Development.  My advisor, knowing my plan had been to eventually get a Master’s in Social Work in order to work as a therapist, said “You can do that, but you will never be able to do with that degree what you will be able to do with an MSW.”  So I gathered up my courage and began to seek employment and housing.

This week I saw a sign that said, “Our parents never told us that growing up was a trap.”  I found it humorous and yet somehow disheartening.  My avoidance of accepting adult challenges in my senior year pales in comparison to the current trend that seems to cower in the face of “adulting,” the term that is frequently bandied about.  Something deeper than the reluctance I felt in college seems imbedded in the notion of “adulting,” a sense that growing up is repulsive. At a time when we so need mature people who can think and behave rationally, this trend does not serve us well, individually or collectively.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus: You deserve something to give you a smile after this blog.  “Growing up is a barbarous business, full of inconvenience and pimples.”  Captain Hook, in Peter Pan.

From a journal entry in June of 2007, as I attended my first residency in the Spiritual Guidance Program at Shalem:

“In the process of ‘Examen’ which Rosemary Dougherty has walked us through, I am aware of the phrase she used about “taking the blinders off,” our view being broadened.  I see that I have worn blinders, how rich life is when I pay attention.  We were dismissed to take some time alone.  I went outside where I put my head down on the picnic table, feeling some sense of ‘defeat.’  I will never grasp all of this!  But I also felt some sense of surrender.  When I finally raised my head, I saw the trees before me and was immediately aware of all the various shades of green.  And then I noticed all the shades of green in the grass.  Noticing the clouds moving ever so slowly and deliberately,  I thought about ‘Be patient with the slow work of God.’ Next I paid attention to a yellow butterfly flitting across the grass—so busy, not really landing anywhere.  I thought of myself and how God keeps moving slowly, deliberately while I am busy flitting about like the butterfly. 

“Looking at the clouds again, I thought about all the people who had dreamed of how to construct something to get into the sky to take flight.  How awesome to have such big dreams and how much faith they must have had to pursue something that in some sense was so unimaginable, incomprehensible.  My own dreams seem so to me yet I keep pursuing them, even when I doubt them, even when I think perhaps I have misunderstood.”

Perhaps it was after that experience that I began to pay more attention to the clouds.  Truly I am fascinated by them, sometimes appearing “stalwart,” as though they are guarding the sky; sometimes scudding along as though they are in a great hurry to be someplace else; sometimes drifting aimlessly. Living now in Montana, in “Big Sky country,” I am forever intrigued by the immensity of the sky and the drama played out by the clouds. 

Yes, indeed, life is so rich when we pay attention!

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus: I have dozens and dozens of beautiful cloud photos and I know I have uploaded photos to my posts before. But I have spent an entire evening attempting to upload a cloud photo. So for now, I leave you with this quote: “Clouds, they make a painting out of the sky.”—Marty Rubin

As I exercised to some Silver Sneakers videos today, I was impressed by how often the leaders would remind folks to breathe!  Would you think we would need to be instructed to breathe?  And yet we do.

As part of my therapy practice, I focused on stress management, relaxation, breathing techniques.  I made a CD of relaxation exercises.  However, I am noticing lately that I am often taking in shallow breaths, even at times unconsciously holding my breath.  You may be familiar with the term “monkey mind, a distracted condition frequently experienced when people seek to meditate.  One of the directions in that circumstance is “return to the breath.” 

In my Face Book memories today, I had a post I had shared from Marci Richards Suelzer, a Licensed Professional Counselor who focuses on trauma, depression and anxiety.  One of her suggestions for coping with terrible things going on in the world, was to learn breathing techniques to calm both body and mind.  If you create such a peaceful place within, you can call it up when you need it.  One client I worked with myself, found it helpful to imagine sitting on the ocean floor, all the clamor above the ocean stilled down below.  Ms. Suelzer mentioned Insight Timer, which I have written about before and use almost daily.  If you have not discovered that app, I highly recommend that you check it out.

Although we think of breathing as natural,  there are many breathing exercises and particular methods called pursed lip breathing and diaphragmatic breathing  which  are recommended to be practiced 5-10 minutes daily.

A person can perform the following steps while lying down or sitting up straight in a chair.

1. Place both hands on the abdomen, feeling the rise and fall of each breath.

2. Close the mouth and take a slow breath in through the nose, while feeling the abdomen rise and inflate like a balloon.
3. Breathe out slowly through pursed lips, as if blowing bubbles, with each expiratory breath taking about two to three times as long as each inhalation.
4. Repeat these steps for 5–10 minutes. Keep the hands on the abdomen to help improve awareness of the correct breathing technique.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus:  Some other recommendations include sleeping on one’s side with pillow under the head and pillow between the knees;  proper posture; regular meditation; and even singing!  (People with Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease—COPD—who sing regularly reduce their shortness of breath and are better able to manage their symptoms.)