Hope's Cafe

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Café

In November 2022 I wrote a blog about neighbors, including memories of the small town I grew up in in Oklahoma and my experience of moving to an even smaller town in Montana in 2021.  I have had reason to think on this topic again since we moved back to Tennessee. 

Having easily adapted to Columbus, MT, and coming to love being in a neighborhood after decades of living in a secluded home in the woods on a farm in the midst of other farms, I was not sure how I would feel coming to Harrison, TN, bedroom community to Chattanooga.  Then a week or two after we moved in, the next door neighbor came to bring me some strawberry jam (coincidentally sold from the farm we sold). I visited with the neighbor and her husband and learned the husband looks out for the neighborhood, taking trash to the curb for the elderly widows or checking on folks to make sure if they need anything.  Other neighbors have stopped by to deliver me mail that was mistakenly left in their box.   

The most recent episode of neighborliness came at the post office itself. The employee at the small post office about two miles from our home brought out the big postal box required to hold all our mail after a lengthy trip.  I said I would carry it out in two bundles as I am due to have back surgery soon.  He just picked up the box and carried it out to the car. 

In all the places I have lived over the years, no two have been alike.  Neighbors are the one commonality and can give the sense of small town living even in much larger cities.  I must agree with Robert Fulghum: “Good neighbors make a huge difference in the quality of life.”

The invitation is open to share two cups of tea anytime at Hope’s Café or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we bearers of hope, the “wait staff” at Hope’s Café, for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

When you read this, I will be on a ship far, far away (South Pacific to be specific!) I may be able to post while I’m gone but I’m doubtful. Almost certainly there will be things I will want to post about. Though I haven’t taken my computer, I do have my journal that I can draw from on my return. However, my blogging may be erratic because I expect to be having back surgery on my return.

Just before leaving, I read my friend Mary’s blog (Zippy Quilts) where she described a quilting class she took that in part involved being clear about one’s goals. My initial goal with this blog was just to insure I was writing something regularly and in the process to share something uplifting or at least of some interest. Periodically I evaluate if I am accomplishing what I set out to do and if I want to alter or expand what I’m doing in some way or to change course. This trip seems to offer the opportunity to step back, reflect and consider the alternatives.

I will check back in at Kate’s Hope Cafe when I return and we will see where my reflections have led me!

The invitation is open to share “two cups of tea” anytime at Hope’s Café, or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

I just wrote probably the longest blog I have ever written. Had copied document to post it and whatever I hit erased the entire thing! It is 10:30, late to reinvent it. Perhaps I will try again to create it soon. I feel pretty defeated by my computer at the moment!

Peace, Kate

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Café

“Drifting,” a term used to describe “a special form of attention where we are engaged with the world around us but not focused on getting something done” occurs when our brains enter a semi-meditative state when we are near water.  (How does this differ from “daydreaming?” Stay tuned for next week’s blog!) 

I recall some years ago reading that taking a shower tended to improve creativity and generate ideas.  “Blue mind,” another term like drifting, refers to the theory that water in the ocean, rivers, lakes and even baths can make us feel calmer, increase wellbeing and boost creativity, as described in a Blue Cross/Blue Shield online newsletter.  The author of the article “What is Blue Mind Theory?” states that water increases the neurotransmitters dopamine (“the feel good hormone”); serotonin (“the happiness hormone”); and oxytocin (“the cuddle hormone”); and decreases cortisol, the hormone related to stress.

The author further states swimming can have an effect similar to doing yoga; taking a bath levels out the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems; observing an aquarium for at least 10 minutes can significantly lower blood pressure and heart rate; even drinking a glass of water can decrease anxiety and fatigue.  Years ago I read that under stress our bodies produce a thick, paste-like blood and we are in special need of water then. 

 
It seems we are drawn to water. The website blueminding quotes marine biologist Dr. Wallace Nichols that: “We are drawn to water, because we come from, and are still largely made of water.  In fact, the human body is about 60 percent water, and the brain is 75 percent water.”
“When you see water, when you hear water, it triggers a response in your brain that you’re in the right place.”

So if you find yourself “drifting”/”blueminding,” consider the positive benefits you are likely gaining! 

The invitation is open to share “two cups of tea” anytime at Hope’s Café, or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Café

When I was in high school, my father told me he had a story he had thought of writing.  Perhaps my taking journalism and writing a lot of stories for the school newspaper brought on his sharing that with me.  I don’t recall that he told me a lot of details. I remember his tale’s setting was in pioneer times. I was impressed enough that I bought him a “Nothing Book” filled with blank pages and suggested he write his story in there.  There is some irony to that gift.  My father was a linotype operator on the local newspaper and could easily have typed his creation. 

Some years passed.  Out of college and employed, I was home on a visit.  I noticed his Nothing Book on a  shelf.  Curious, I picked it up. It was totally devoid of any writing.  Not. The. First. Word.  Not even a scribble.  I was surprised and so disappointed.  I said “Daddy, tell me your story.  Let me write it.”  In the saddest voice, he said, “I don’t remember it anymore.”  I was stunned.  He sounded so resigned.   What happened in those intervening years that he felt so disconnected from his wish to write his story?  Somehow, the subject seemed closed, and I didn’t pursue it.  Only mid-fifties at the time, he was much too young  let a dream die!

I write this to remind us all to pay attention to stories:  those of relatives who harbor history we will never know if we aren’t listening, asking questions, taking note. They hold the power to enrich us.  Pay attention to our own experiences and opportunities to voice them, write them, share them.  We hold that same power to enrich others.

 The invitation is open to share “two cups of tea” anytime at Hope’s Café, or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Café

Eckhart Tolle recounts a dramatic story of encountering a man at Cambridge University in 1970 who was confined to a wheelchair. Tolle described him as having eyes that were clear. “There was no trace of unhappiness.  I knew immediately he had relinquished resistance; he was living in surrender.” Years later he saw the man’s face on the front of a magazine.  And that man was: Stephen Hawking, one of the world’s most famous theoretical physicists.  With the help of a synthesizer, Hawkings was quoted in the magazine article as saying of his life, “Who could have asked for more?”

Eckhart Tolle you may recall wrote The Power of Now, published in 1997. By 2009 more than three million copies had been sold.  The best description of his focus on living in the present moment in my opinion is his statement that “Instead of creating expectations of what should or should not be happening, cooperate with the form that this moment takes.” There are so many times we experience physical or emotional pain and our “go to” solution is to imagine being past this moment when the pain will be history. Perhaps that helps us for the worst of the moment but there is another path.

One focus I had as a therapist was working with stress and health related issues.  Never having been a cancer patient myself, I support whatever helps cancer patients deal with their disease.  But I recall that there was a philosophy promoted about imagining one’s body marshaling an army to fight the cancer.  I always thought if I were in that position, I would want to visualize gathering my body’s resources to assist my body in healing, cooperating with my body to allow healing, acting as a “concerned friend” to my body instead of a hostile warrior against the disease.   I had one client who took his chemotherapy pills, said a prayer and crossed himself.  I did not see him throughout that process, as he came in with his wife and their focus was how they could best cope with the impacts on their marriage.  Perhaps he survived. In any case, he found a way to be in the present moment, blessing his pills as he took them.

I close with one more Tolle quote: “Accept the present moment and find the perfection that is deeper than any form and untouched by time.”

The invitation is open to share “two cups of tea” anytime at Hope’s Café, or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Café

As a young co-ed part of a college youth group, I regularly participated in the group’s nursing home services.  We would sing for the residents and then spend some time visiting with them.  One experience from that time is etched in my brain.  I was listening to a gentleman as he was telling me about the loss of his wife.  I asked how long they had been married.  He responded, “Fifty four years.”  Having spent my senior year in a number of short-lived dating relationships, fifty-four years sounded like an eternity to me.  “Oh! Such a long time!”  A big tear came sliding down his cheek as he said, “Not nearly long enough.” 

This week I learned that my best friend from grade school had died recently. When her husband received my Christmas letter containing new contact information, he called me immediately.  He sadly described her fall that resulted in some brain damage and ultimately caused her death.  In the midst of telling me this, he cried out, “We were married fifty-four years!”  And I could sense in that refrain that it, too, was “not nearly long enough.”

Despite being mortal creatures, recognizing at some level that the days are numbered for all of us, we may still react to the death of a loved one as though we have been cheated out of more time.  The only antidote would seem to be to focus on the present moment as a gift of time and to accept the challenge to make the most of it. 

Even though my response to the widower at the nursing home was a bit insensitive, apparently even at that time in my life, I had some awareness of the present moment. During that same year as the nursing home visits, I penned these words:

The good times are for now.

They last like a child’s laughter

Or as his fleeting, tender tears.

I dare not rush them

In my eagerness for more;

Nor delay them

Out of fear that few remain.

For today is neither the beginning

nor the end.

The invitation is open to share “two cups of tea” anytime at Hope’s Café, or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Oh, Wow!

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Cafe

              “Always be on the lookout for wonder,” wrote E.B. White, author of many books including Stuart Little and Charlotte’s Web.  The renowned scientist Albert Einstein also had much to say about living our lives engaged in curiosity, wonder, mystery.  “He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed,” said Einstein. Very simply he said “There are two ways to live your life.  One is as though nothing is a miracle.  The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

              As I age and become more attuned to the preciousness of every moment, I find myself saying “Oh, wow!” a lot.  I think I am growing to be, as White wrote, “always on lookout for wonder.”  Living in wonder is almost like living on another planet, another dimension, where daily cares and worries seem to shrink to such modest proportions that they are barely noticeable.  I am certainly more aware of the sense of contentment when I engage with such moments. 

              My husband has talked about how on his return from Vietnam, the smallest things triggered a sense of awe:  a cold soft drink, a flush toilet, a comfortable bed out of the elements. Being in awe perhaps comes more easily after something as dramatic as his Vietnam experience.  Yet we are capable of paying attention in the daily mechanics of our lives to things as small as the wonder of a steaming cup of coffee on a cold morning. 

Driving to an appointment this week I marveled at how a car operates, that I have the ability to get from point A to point B when I need to. Such a small thing as compared to the wonder of the night sky.  I marvel that wonder comes in so many sizes and shapes. Einstein addressed the more dramatic with these words: “One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality.” Such a wide range of opportunities to practice wonder! Keys would seem to be paying attention and staying open to being “wonderstruck!

The invitation is open to share “two cups of tea” anytime at Hope’s Café, or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate