Hope's Cafe

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Café

Somehow during the pandemic I missed that the term “doomscrolling,” also known as “doomsurfing,” came into being.  When I first heard it a few weeks ago, I thought how descriptive the word is.  And I also thought “Busted!”  I never thought of myself as really getting caught up in such an activity.  Yet I recognize how insidiously the process takes place.

According to psychotherapist and coach Tess Brigham, MFT, doomscrolling is mindlessly scrolling through negative news articles, social media posts, or other content-sharing platforms.

The good thing that came out of my newfound awareness of this habit I have developed, is that I am now paying more attention when I start to click on something.  Do I really want to spend my time on this?  Will this uplift me or likely bring me down?  My downfall currently is the agitation in our nation as we face the upcoming election.  I recognize that I fall into the trap of thinking that the more I read, the better prepared I am and that preparation will allow me to be more “in control.”  And there is that pesky word:  control.

As a therapist, I recall saying once to a client who was very anxious about her daughter: “You do know your worrying constantly about your daughter’s safety, doesn’t in fact keep your daughter safe, don’t you?” She looked dumbstruck, as the truth of that statement sunk into her awareness.  So easily we seek to manage what is beyond our ability to control.

There are suggestions for ways to deal with doomscrolling and other similar behaviors. Set time limits on yourself for time you spend on social media and other sources of news.  Take regular breaks from your devices. Practice mindfulness techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, yoga.  Spend some time on physical activity. Start or renew hobbies.  Volunteer for some group or agency whose mission matters to you. Plan some outings with friends you enjoy.

 Let’s face it.  Life is too short to spend our energies doomscrolling!

The invitation is open to share “two cups of tea” anytime at Hope’s Café, or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Café

For a long time, all I knew of Wendell Berry was his poem “The Peace of Wild Things.” A few years ago I discovered he has written novels.  I particularly liked Jayber Crow, a book a friend had suggested to me. This week in one of the sites I like, I received a quote of his, which grabbed my attention:

“Whether we and our politicians know it or not, Nature is party to all our deals and decisions, and she has more votes, a longer memory, and a sterner sense of justice than we do.”  How beautifully he captures in one sentence what we seem to deny or ignore!

When I searched his name to pull up which site had posted that quote, I found many of the sites from whom I receive posts had his work on them: Sojourners, Plough, inward/outward. His gifts are well recognized. 

Something of a rebel, he has no computer, no internet, no cell phone, no voice recorder.  Counterpoint Publishing is his publisher, a name which seems apropos for his style.   His typewriter must get a workout as in his ninety years he has written over 80 books of poetry, fiction, essays and criticism. 

A New Yorker article “Nick Offerman on the Essential Wisdom of Wendell Berry”the author notes Berry’s “most well-known essay, ‘A Native Hill’” in which Berry recounts the story of himself as a young writer living in New York City. There he finds himself writing mostly about his native Kentucky.  Following his own instincts, instead of the dire warnings of other writers, he moves back to Kentucky.  There he buys a plot of land and begins a life of socio-conscious farming. 

While I sometimes give in to a sense of doom about our planet, his works remind me that our task is to continue efforts to meet the challenges of life on earth in the present moment. His writings reflect a deep love and respect for the land. I leave you with this quote:

“The care of the Earth is our most ancient and most worthy, and after all our most pleasing responsibility. To cherish what remains of it and to foster its renewal is our only hope.”—Wendell Berry

The invitation is open to share “two cups of tea” anytime at Hope’s Café, or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

Traveling this week. Expect another post Aug 30! Hope to see you then!

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Café

The night before my daughter was born, I was frantically finishing up the nursery, as I was scheduled for labor to be induced the next day.  In my haste, I tripped over the vacuum cleaner cord.  My knee swelled up and I worried that it would cause problems with labor.  In fact, it did not.  But over time, I did begin to have difficulty.  Kneeling over the tub to bathe my infant was painful.  Carrying the full diaper pail downstairs to the washing machine was painful.  I feared this was going to be a chronic problem that would keep me from adequately caring for my little girl.

To counteract the fear, I began to use the pain as a call to pray for others in pain.  Ultimately, I saw a doctor who drained the fluid on the knee and injected cortisone.  Problem solved. 

Now as we prepare to move back to Tennessee, I have begun to have immense back pain.  The fear that crops up now is that I will be hampered from caring for our grandchildren with whom we expect to spend a lot of time.  Once again, I seek to find ways to approach this situation with an attitude that helps rather than hinders. 

I have heard of people who described their cancer diagnosis as a gift because they used it as an opportunity to enlarge their appreciation for life.  Surely if someone can describe cancer as a gift, I can find productive ways to react to my back pain. 

When I googled “pain as a gift” I discovered a book by Dr. Paul Brand, first published in 1993 as Pain: The Gift Nobody Wants (1993), republished in 1997 as The Gift of Pain. Dr. Brand grew up in India,  studied medicine in London, and practiced orthopedic surgery in India and the United States., according to the website Goodreads.com.  The site reports that: “He achieved world renown for his innovative techniques in the treatment of leprosy.

“He was a pioneer in developing tendon transfer techniques for use in the hands of those with leprosy. He was the first physician to appreciate that leprosy did not cause the rotting away of tissues, but that it was the loss of the sensation of pain which made sufferers susceptible to injury. Brand contributed extensively to the fields of hand surgery and hand therapy through his publications and lectures. He wrote Clinical Mechanics of the Hand, still considered a classic in the field of hand surgery.”

My intention is to take all the steps that typically alleviate my back problems, while focusing on all those ways my body has served me over the years, the many ways it continues to function on my behalf, and to enlarge my awareness of all those who are in pain.  May that awareness call me both to prayer for them and to seek to be attentive for those opportunities when I might help a fellow sufferer.

 The invitation is open to share “two cups of tea” anytime at Hope’s Café, or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Cafe

Driving to an appointment in Billings, I exited the interstate and prepared to turn left onto the street that would take me to my destination.  Standing there where the exit intersected the road was a scruffy looking fellow with a crudely made cardboard sign.  I expected it to say something like “Will work for food” or “Stranded.  Trying to get to Kalamazoo.”  Instead I saw “Ninjas stole my families need for karate lessons.”  Stunned, I noticed the driver of the car behind me had rolled down the window and was engaging the man in conversation.  The light turned green and I drove on, puzzled.

What was this poor soul trying to convey?  I recall a man I saw in therapy years ago who believed in a conspiracy theory popular in the early 2,000s, and coincidentally still around, about reptilian people, shape shifters, who appear to be human but are reptiles’ intent on taking over the government.  According to the site The Psychology of Extraordinary Beliefs offered by Ohio State University,* four percent of the people in the United States believe in this theory which claims these ‘lizard people’ to be “bloodthirsty reptilian aliens (who) first arrived on earth in ancient times.  Since then, these beings have been merging with humans through the manipulation of DNA, as well as interbreeding with the human population.  The goal of this process was to gain control of the world by obtaining positions of power and influence: royalty, politicians, popular entertainers, etc.”

In one response to the article, a man wrote in lengthy, garbled paragraphs about his experiences as a shape shifter.  At one point he mentioned being confused and scared.  I never challenged my client about his belief but listened instead for the feelings that belief represented.  I wonder if the young man by the side of the road felt compelled to warn people of “ninja” forces, powers that could rob a family of their security. Whatever his intent, this incident serves as a reminder to be compassionate towards those who struggle with mental health issues, whose behavior expresses some need often incomprehensible to us. The young therapists I supervised early in my career jokingly—I prefer to think ‘kindly’— referred to this as “Kathleen’s Need Theory.” Then again, we were working at a children’s home, where the children’s behavior was often our best clue as to what was going on within them.

“By responding with empathy and compassion, the healing results affect us all.”—Brene Brown

*”Behind the Belief: Lizard People” February 12, 2019, Psychology of Extraordinary Beliefs, Ohio State University

 The invitation is open to share “two cups of tea” anytime at Hope’s Café, or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

 Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Cafe

Wednesday I woke up, went directly to my email to print off the Bible study lesson for the afternoon study group, only to see a message: “You are denied access to your email.”  Of all the problems I have encountered over the years with my computer, that was a new one to me.  It took awhile to correct that but by that time we were due to have breakfast.  I opened the refrigerator to retrieve some eggs and discovered a milk carton had leaked all over the frig.  I cleaned that up and began to crack some eggs to scramble.  The last egg was overly eager to get out of its shell and spilled its contents all over the counter.  By this time, I was beginning to feel persecuted. Apparently, it was just going to be “one of those days.”

I am not sure what kicked in, but I reminded myself that there were plenty of people who would much prefer the little problems I was facing that morning to the ones they were dealing with.  And then I realized I had been “awful-izing.”  Poor me!  My day is off to such an awful start!  I stopped to give thanks for the day.  I repeated a little mantra I seek to use daily, preferably as soon as I open my eyes: “Good morning, God.  This is the day that you have made. Help me to rejoice and give thanks in it.”  When I remember to do it, it really helps set the tone for my day. 

There have been more frustrating episodes this week.   But when I think about it, there have been some equally lovely experiences.  So where do I put the “spotlight” on my life? The frustrations, the irritations, the obstacles I encounter? Or all the good that comes my way? My choice! 

“The same boiling water that softens the potato, hardens the egg.  It’s about what you’re made of, not the circumstances.”  — Brainy Quotes

The invitation is open to share “two cups of tea” anytime at Hope’s Café, or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Cafe

When we had already travelled for two weeks through the beautiful landscapes of Glacier National Park, Yellowstone, the Grand Tetons, Arches, Canyonlands, Dead Horse State Park and believed we were only headed to our final evening farewell meal at the hotel, our tour guide declared “I have one last surprise for you!”  And what a surprise it was! We were treated to Colorado National Monument.

The story of the monument is one of incredible perseverance by one John Otto in the early 20th century.  When he came to Colorado in his mid-thirties in 1906, Otto was immediately drawn to this spectacular area.  The next year he would write, “I came here last year and found these canyons, and they feel like the heart of the world to me.  I’m going to stay and build trails and promote this place, because it should be a national park.” Indeed he did.

Otto would put up his tent, build a section of road, move his tent up to build the next section.  This is no small task.  This is an area of desert land high on the Colorado Plateau with sheer-walled canyons cut deep into sandstone and granite-gneiss-schist rock formations.  The high country rises over 2,000 feet above the Grand Valley of the Colorado River.  The scenic Rim Rock Drive now stretches 23 miles through the National Monument.

By nature a recluse, he was willing to speak to reporters and photographers and public officials to encourage support for his dream. Otto conducted tours of the area and began to garner support.  He invited President Taft to come see the area which eventually resulted in a visit from the President.  When Taft did not immediately act on declaring the area a national monument, Otto continued to press him.  On May 24, 1911, the area was at last designated Colorado National Monument and he was hired as the Monument’s first custodian, a position he held for 16 years.   His salary was the “princely” sum of $1 per month. Shortly after the designation was declared, Otto married an accomplished artist from Grand Junction.  The marriage was short-lived as his wife discovered she was not as well-suited to his lifestyle as she had first thought. 

Otto was once described as “a marvelous guide who knew every inch of his monument, which he tended like a personal kingdom.”  According to Wikipedia, among his accomplishments was carving a steep stairway up to the near-vertical ascent of Independence Monument, the largest such feature in the park.  Despite its size, Otto was known to climb to its summit to plant an American flag.

The man’s dogged determination, driven by his love of the terrain and his deep commitment to see that the park be recognized and protected for future generations, is impressive and commendable.  The area, designated as a monument, which does not require congressional approval as a national park does, has averaged 300,000 visitors a year. This year it is expected to welcome 500,000. I am pleased to have been one of them, an unexpected gift.

“Let perseverance be your engine, and hope your fuel,” urged H. Jackson Brown Jr. A worthy directive to consider as we navigate our lives.

The invitation is open to share “two cups of tea” anytime at Hope’s Café, or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

I will be on vacation until July 23. Hope to see you then to share experiences from my trip. 🙂

“Freedom is cultivated within.”  So said the speaker on a video I watched last week.  With all the ongoing angst in the world, he encouraged us to recognize that there is, indeed, plenty of suffering, but also much happiness.  When I hear things like that, I often think of a client I once had.  I don’t know how I would have managed to keep my spirits and attitude up like she did.  She was disabled, had no support system, very little money, few resources.  She often couldn’t make it to our appointments but would call me.  Always her conversations included, “God is good all the time, Miss Kath-a-leen.  “All the time, God is good.”

Her attitude exemplifies what the speaker was promoting; that is, that we stay aware of what we are cultivating within ourselves. That is what carries the potential to impact the outer world. 

I think also of Victor Frankl, the Austrian neurologist, psychologist, philosopher, and Holocaust survivor.  Frankl famously said: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing:  the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s own way.”

As we make our way through a chaotic election cycle, I have considered what strategy I will use to maintain my equilibrium.  There is an approach in singing when you have some kind of “muck” in your throat affecting your voice, that you “sing above it.”  My intention in the coming days and months, and beyond, is to “sing above” the fracas.

I would encourage you to ponder what you are cultivating and to seek a means to live as peaceably as possible within yourself.  Blessings on your endeavors to do so.

The invitation is open to share “two cups of tea” anytime at Hope’s Café, or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

A week after I responded to the fellow in my last post with food cards, I received another call from him.  In this case, he was crying hysterically, as he babbled about a flat tire.  I didn’t entirely grasp at the time how vulnerable he was feeling.  But in that moment, I felt great tenderness, unlike the previous week when I had experienced some irritation. 

His van was his only home, a thin shell to protect him from the outer world.  As kindly but as firmly as I could I said, “Calm down,_____” calling him by name.  “We can help you get a tire.”  He did calm down as I explained it was too late to acquire a tire right that minute but we could manage that the following day.  He was able to relate the type of tire he needed and that he had $50 towards paying for it, but not sufficient to pay the full cost.  I told him I would call him back once I worked out getting the tire.  He seemed settled and we hung up.

Later that evening I missed another call from him.  When I listened to the voicemail, what I was hearing was a conversation between him and the police.  I suspect at some point he had become upset again and other campers called the police.   Once again, he was hysterical.  As he begged not to be put out on the street, the policeman gently repeated they were there to help him.  The recording, whether intentional or accidental, let me know he would not be there the next day.  The police department would reveal nothing to me about his whereabouts.  I understand confidentiality.  But, determined to find out what happened, I turned to my “spy” friend, one who knows all the back channels when needed.  I don’t know how she finally gleaned the information, but she discovered he had been placed in a psychiatric facility.

 I have had no further report.  But the experience lingers with me.  Despite my limited ability to impact the situation, I value the shift in my response and a deepened understanding of how vulnerable homeless folks and others on the margins must feel. (I would add that “unhoused” hardly seems a fair description, even if it is presently considered more acceptable).

The author and speaker John O’Donohue has said, “An interesting question to ask yourself at night is, ‘What did I really see this day?’” It was a gift to me to really see my homeless friend that day.

The invitation is open to share “two cups of tea” anytime at Hope’s Café, or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate