Hope's Cafe

Shadows

I don’t recall what triggered my thinking about shadows recently. Perhaps it was the memory of a year ago when we were in Maryland helping care for our grandsons. I clearly remember sometimes when we were swinging at the playground when the sun was just right, we would see our shadows. Our five year-old grandson Sebastian was especially intrigued by them.

But I also thought about Carl Jung’s philosophy about “the shadow side,” those things we consider unacceptable about ourselves and seek to avoid recognizing. In 1938 Jung wrote:

“ Unfortunately there can be no doubt that man is, on the whole, less good than he imagines himself or wants to be.

Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.

If an inferiority is conscious, one always has a chance to correct it.

Furthermore, it is constantly in contact with other interests, so that it is continually subjected to modifications.

But if it is repressed and isolated from consciousness, it never gets corrected.”

Psychology and Religion (1938)

Of course, writers of books, television series and movies have often used light and dark to illustrate good and evil, shadow to indicate evil lurking. The Bible talks about shadow as well, suggesting God’s protection

I learned from one website that “Tzelem” is related to the word “Tzel צל”, which is the modern-day Hebrew word for “shadow”. This gives us a deeper understanding of “btzalmenu”, which means “in our shadow.” We were created in the shadow of God!”

So the term ‘shadow” can have positive or negative connotations, depending on the context. But I tend to think Jung was onto something because he emphasized that this shadow side also contained “gold,” meaning as we delve into the shadow self we can learn and grow, no longer needing to disown parts of ourselves.

Perhaps the fascination with shadows when we are children is that we appear so much larger than we feel when we are small, not unlike Jung’s tenet that we become so much greater when we own all the pieces that make up who we are.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter. Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus:

Friendship

The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing… not healing, not curing… that is a friend who cares.— Henri Nouwen

IN APRIL 1998, TERRY GAVE A KIDNEY TO HIS SISTER CONNIE, ATTEMPTING TO SAVE HER FROM POLYCYSTIC KIDNEY DISEASE. THE OPERATION WAS A SUCCESS AND BOTH TERRY AND CONNIE WERE INTIALLY DOING WELL. BUT SILENTLY A STAPH INFECTION ATE THROUGH THE ARTERY INTO CONNIE’S KIDNEY AND SHE DIED WITHIN A FEW WEEKS OF THE SURGERY.

MY FRIEND ELAINE CALLED ME WHEN SHE HEARD OF THE DEATH. “IS THERE ANYTHING I CANDO FOR YOU?” SHE ASKED. “OH, ELAINE,” I SAID, “PLEASE BAKE US A LOAF OF BREAD.” NOW FOODWAS THE FARTHEST THING FROM MY MIND AT THAT MOMENT. WHAT I WANTED WAS THE IMAGE OF ELAINE, KNOWN FOR HER BREAD BAKING AND HERB GROWING, KNEADING THAT BREAD, PUTTING SOMUCH LOVE FOR TERRY AND ME INTO THAT LOAF—-THEGRACIOUS OFFERING SHE WOULD MAKE FOR OUR COMFORT.

IN JULY 2009, MY PRECIOUS FATHER WAS DYING. MY FRIEND ANN CALLED ME AND SAID “IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO FOR YOU?” AND I SAID “OH, ANN, WOULD YOU BRING ME A CINNAMON CRUSTED BAGEL AND A CUP OF HAZELNUT COFFEE FROM PANERA’S?” IN THIS CASE I WAS THINKING ABOUT FOOD—-I WANTED THE SWEET TASTE OF THAT BAGEL AND THE WARMTH OF THAT COFFEE TO INFUSE NOT JUST MY TASTEBUDS BUT MY SPIRIT, COMFORT FOOD. EVEN MORE THAN THAT I WAS COMFORTED IN THE KNOWLEDGE THAT AT THAT MOMENT ANN WOULD HAVE MOVED HEAVEN AND EARTH IF NECESSARY TO BRING ME THAT BAGEL AND COFFEE—OR ANYTHING ELSE THAT I HAD ASKED. AS I WAS ABOUT TO LOSE THE FATHER WHO WOULD HAVE MOVED HEAVEN AND EARTH FOR ME, I WAS BEING SUPPORTED BY A FRIEND WHO WOULD DO THE SAME.

AND THOUGH I SPEAK OF FRIENDSHIP IN TIMES OF GRIEF, THERE IS SO MUCH TO BE SAID FOR THE PLEASURES OF FRIENDSHIP DURING GOOD TIMES. I HAVE SHARED COUNTLESS CUPS OF TEA AND ENDLESS CONVERSATIONS WITH MY FRIEND DIANE. I HAVE MET UP WITH MY COLLEGE GIRLFRIENDS FOR REUNIONS WHERE WE GABBED LATE INTO THE NIGHT. I SHLEPPED MY PORTABLE SEWING MACHINE FROM TENNESSEE TO NORTH CAROLINA MULTIPLE TIMES WHERE MY FRIEND MARY HELPED ME CONSTRUCT T-SHIRT QUILTS. I COULD GO ON. SO MANY FRIENDS. SO MANY GOOD TIMES.

YOU MAY NOTICE THAT NONE OF THESE ACTIVITIES WERE ELABORATE. FRIENDSHIP ALLOWSFOR THE SIMPLEST THINGS TO BE SO SATISFYING. WHAT A BLESSING.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter. Shalom, Kate

HOPE’S CAFÉ BONUS: TWO QUOTES I FOUND THAT I ESPECIALLY LOVED: “She is a friend of mind. She gather me, man. The pieces I am, she gather them and give them back to me in all the right order. It’s good, you know, when you got a woman who is a friend of your mind.— Toni Morrison

“In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.” —-Albert Schweitzer
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/friendship-quotes

Discoveries

“You will enrich your life immeasurably if you approach it with a sense of wonder and discovery, and always challenge yourself to try new things.” — Nate Berkus

This week Terry and I impulsively headed out of town to a favorite restaurant only to learn the establishment was not open that day. So we explored the little town and found a restaurant where we had never dined before. We had a delightful conversation with the waitress, who it turned out knows one of my colleagues.

Later that evening we headed in a different direction for our typical evening walk. We discovered a beautiful path that parallels the Yellowstone River. Along the path, someone had planted what they named “The Garden of Eatin’” The owners of the property had placed a bench facing the river, with a sign that read; “Sit down awhile, enjoy the view. It’s God’s gift to me and you.”

How dull life would be if we never ventured beyond our usual haunts. Sometimes what propels us to expand our horizons are events that we didn’t welcome. In my own life, I recognize several such events, One Sunday afternoon in May 2008, I felt compelled to call my friend Susan, who headed bereavement at a local hospice. I asked if she had any openings where I might work. This made absolutely no sense to me. I’d never had any desire to work in hospice. But only a few weeks later we found we had been defrauded in our business and I would need the income that position provided. But, what a discovery! I loved working in hospice as a bereavement counselor.

In 2010, hospice cut all the part time positions and I lost my cherished job. But that led to my training in ministry, where I encountered a new path, And only this spring, in a totally unexpected turn of events, we sold our home and moved far from home to Montana. Now, after filling several part time and temporary positions, here I have assumed my first role in a settled (what was formerly called permanent) pastorate.

There is a lot to be said for the familiar. But, if you find yourself yearning for a little something different, or, by circumstance are forced to make a change, add some spice with a foray into something new. You just might “enrich your life immeasurably!”

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter. Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus: So maybe doing something as dramatic as selling your home and moving to someplace you never expected to go, is a bridge too far for you. Just vary your routine a bit. try a food you’ve never eaten; take up a new hobby; make a bucket list of potential adventures. Wishing you blessings on anything you choose to undertake.

Discombobulation

“Discombobulate, meaning “to confuse, frustrate,” sounds like something straight out of a cartoon. It was first recorded in the form discomboberate in the early 1800s, and apparently originated as a humorous imitation of hifalutin-sounding Latin words.”—vocabulary.com

In the midst of getting belongings settled in our new apartment and also getting my office organized and beginning my duties, I lost (misplaced?) the set of church keys I had just been given the previous week. The same morning I discovered the keys missing, when I got in the car headed to an appointment with a new chiropractor, a message read “Braking system problem! See a dealer immediately!” I totally lost my emotional center! I was “discombobulated!” At the chiropractor appointment, my blood pressure, which normally is fine, had shot up. I couldn’t seem to focus to fill out the forms. In one place where I was to sign and date, I signed and started to put my post office box number! I dated things incorrectly. You get the picture.

I stayed agitated overnight. Finally, in an effort to get hold of myself, I thought about what was really going on. Keys can be replaced. I realized I was really upset about feeling I had embarrassed myself. I considered that this reflected poorly on me. What kind of confidence was I inspiring in my congregation when I immediately lost the keys?

So I went to the office where I forced myself to sit and focus on a daily reading that I do. Then I randomly opened a book I have had for a long time but never read. The chapter I opened to was based on a gospel story where Jesus encountered the man “Legion” (meaning many), who in current terms we would describe as mentally ill. His behavior was so disruptive that the villagers had tried to restrain him with chains from which he repeatedly broke free. One point the author made was about how fragmented we sometimes become. One of the discussion questions was: “What would your life be like if you were in your right mind?”

When I am “in my right mind,” I am either aware of all my blessings or I can fairly easily call to mind all that for which I am grateful. And there is so much! Just at the moment I am so very much relieved that our “stateside” son-in-law (not the “overseas” son-in-law) came through his heart surgery this week with flying colors! (Of course, this also was a part of my “discombobulation.”) So my heart is full and I give thanks.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter. Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus: From Michael J. Fox, who has been dealing with Parkinson’s disease for 30 years: “Optimism is really rooted in gratitude. Optimism is sustainable when you keep coming back to gratitude, and what follows from that is acceptance.”

Standing In The Gap

Our drive from Tennessee to relocate in Montana was mostly uneventful, at least until we reached western Wyoming. In the middle of nowhere we witnessed a trucker lose control of his 18 wheeler. He careened off the road, his tires plowing through the ground. Clouds of dust billowed around the truck, obstructing our view. We had pulled off the road, both to spare ourselves being in his path should he hurtle back onto the highway, and to be available to check on him when that became possible.

When the truck came to a stop, thankfully without reentering the highway, we went across the road to assess the situation. The driver was badly injured but still conscious. We learned his name was John and he was hauling a load of vodka and margarita mix, which was now leaking out the back. While awaiting the ambulance with him, Terry turned off the truck and assisted in retrieving John’s cell phone, which John used to make the dreaded report to his boss. Cursing with every breath, his back surely broken, he groaned with pain. With every curse he uttered, I breathed a prayer for him, that the ambulance would come soon and that he would receive the help he needed. I quickly posted on Facebook asking for prayers for him.

In Ezekiel 22:30 the prophet writes that the Lord says “I looked for someone among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap on behalf of the land.” In the ancient world of the Bible, cities had walls surrounding them to provide protection from enemies. When the wall was breached, the city was vulnerable to destruction; the only way to secure it was for people to risk their lives by literally standing in the gap in the wall and fighting the enemy.

When we pray on behalf of someone else we are “standing in the gap” for that person before God. It is a privilege to do so. And so I continue to stand in the gap for John. We are encouraged to do so in Galatians 6:2, which directs us to “Bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.” I invite you to join me in praying for John, as well as for others who cross your path on this road we travel together.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter. Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus: Prayers for the energy of healing, for sustenance and restoration of John and others in need.

Hiatus

Even things that go on for a long time take a break once in awhile: one kind of break is a hiatus. If someone has to leave her job for a time, she’s going on hiatus. A touring band will need to take a hiatus if the lead singer gets in an accident. The key thing about a hiatus is that it’s an interruption of something that was happening, but it’s not a permanent break. (vocabulary.com)

Hiatus comes from “hiare,” a Latin verb meaning “to gape” or “to yawn,” and first appeared in English in the middle of the 16th century. Originally, the word referred to a gap or opening in something, such as a cave opening in a cliff. In the 18th century, Laurence Sterne used the word humorously in his novel Tristram Shandy, writing of “the hiatus in Phutatorius’s breeches.” These days, “hiatus” is usually used in a temporal sense to refer to a pause or interruption (as in a song), or a period during which an activity is temporarily suspended (such as a hiatus from teaching). (Miriam-Webster)

All this goes to say that I am taking a hiatus from Hope’s Café for six weeks while I am in the process of moving from Tennessee to Montana. Why Montana, you might ask. The answer is that I have accepted the pastorate of Columbus Community Congregational Church UCC in Columbus, Montana. We are leaving the home we built 30 years ago, the farm my husband grew up on, land that has been in his family four generations. Despite that we, of course, feel some sadness, we are excited about this move and about the church I will be pastoring.

We appreciate prayers and well-wishes as we undertake this journey. If you have found this blog uplifting, I hope you will await the return of Hope’s Café and seek it out when it resumes September 3.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter. Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus: “And suddenly you just know that it’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.” (pinterist.com)

Insight Timer

Today I am putting in a plug for the app “Insight Timer.” I am not sure when this was established. I discovered it about five years ago when I attended a session that was offered at the local Center for Mindful Living.

There are multiple online meditation sites. What distinguishes Insight Timer is that it is free. I haven’t availed myself of all its features but there are thousands of guided meditations, topics offered by various speakers, as well as a timer that you can set for whatever amount of time suits you. That feature allows you to choose from various bells to begin and end if you so desire, as well as multiple background sounds if you prefer.

The one bit of information I found from the founders indicated that they wanted to make their site free so that more people would choose to develop meditation practices. They do have features you can pay for, which is how they can afford to do this. But they offer a plethora of free services.

Their pie chart shows that of the major meditation apps, Insight Timer is used 62%; Calm is used 17%; Headspace is used 13%; others 7%. It would appear they are succeeding in exposing more people to easily accessible meditation practices. If you google Insight Timer, you can see their description:

The best meditation app with the world’s largest FREE library of more than 100k guided meditations, 11k teachers & the world’s most loved meditation Timer.

‎Free Guided Meditations · ‎Live events · ‎About us · ‎Peace in our Timer

The app is easily downloaded on your phone. Basically, it leaves me with no excuses for avoiding meditation! I encourage you, if you haven’t discovered this amazing tool already, to make use of this valuable service.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter. Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus:

The best meditation app with the world’s largest FREE library of more than 100k guided meditations, 11k teachers & the world’s most loved meditation Timer.

‎Free Guided Meditations · ‎Live events · ‎About us · ‎Peace in our Timer

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter. Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus:

Crises

I heard a wonderful true story this week of a pastor visiting his rabbi friend. The rabbi asked how he was doing. The pastor described how they had sent out the pipes to the organ for cleaning, an extremely expensive task. They had paid a fellow the down payment for the work, many thousands of dollars. But the man was not doing the work. Their efforts to press him to fulfill his agreement had yet to yield any result. The congregation was upset. The organist was especially frustrated. But the pastor was focused on finding a solution. He said: “I am not predisposed to a crisis.”

When I was in eighth grade, a friend’s mother was driving my friend and me downtown for a movie. Suddenly their car began to make a terrible noise. I was prepared for some anxious or frustrated response. Instead, the words the mother spoke, in the most calm, undisturbed tone, were: “Well, isn’t that interesting.” And she drove to a nearby gas station, where she proceeded to get some assistance. I was astounded: a problem need not engender an automatic response of agitation??

Having spent the past week dealing with various technical issues, I really needed the pastor’s story. I feel totally incompetent where computers and phones are concerned. When something goes wrong, my initial response is to panic. It takes a lot to marshal my energies and direct them in a more constructive manner. I spent the week affirming, “You can do this, Kate. You can learn how. Reject intimidation. This does not have to be scary. “

When I put this in context, my fear of technology seems laughable. Many face much more difficult situations and maintain their determination to succeed. Think The Pursuit of Happyness, the 2006 true story movie about Chris Gardner, the 27 year old homeless man whose wife leaves him with their 5 year old son. Time and again this faithful and determined father encounters setbacks, but he ultimately becomes a successful broker

Actually, my father serves as a model closer at hand for this. From the time he began as a 17 year old printer apprentice on a newspaper to age 59, he worked in “hot type.” At age 59, the paper switched to “cold type.” He talked to me about how uncertain he was, how daunting it was at age 59 to learn a new system. He articulated that he was worried that at his age there would be no work available to continue through retirement if he couldn’t learn this new method. He could have succumbed to crisis mentality. But in fact, he successfully made the transition and did not retire until age 70.

Next time you encounter a formidable task, consider this mantra: “I am not predisposed to a crisis.”

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter. Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus: “Being challenged in life is inevitable. Being defeated is optional.”—thepowerof positivity.com

Serendipitous Wisdom

Years ago I attended a conference workshop led by the author of Forgive For Good. Dr. Fred Luskin had what I considered a reasonable approach to forgiveness. But I have been reading Home by Marilynne Robinson. In the context of her novel, I came across some powerful words about forgiveness that seem worth passing on.

The narrator in Home is Glory, the daughter of her retired pastor father and the sister to Jack, the n’ere do well sibling who unexpectedly returns home after a 20-year absence. Father and son have struggled with their relationship. Glory, as she observes them now, recalls her pastor father’s words over the years about forgiveness:

“You must forgive in order to understand. Until you forgive, you defend yourself against the possibility of understanding…If you forgive, he would say, you may indeed still not understand, but you will be ready to understand and that is the posture of grace.”

In sorting through accumulated cards and letters saved over the years I came across a card filled with kudos to Terry and me for being so kind and helpful to her during a difficult year. She said she did not know how she would have gotten through without us. Was this from a former client? Nope. It was from the business “manager” who ultimately defrauded us, resulting in the loss of our longtime business. Given how slow we were to catch on, she may have been defrauding us even then. She had been with us from the beginning and we trusted her implicitly.

To refuse to forgive would seem to tie up a lot of energy. Sometimes there is the implicit expectation that holding on to one’s anger punishes the offender. She had already taken so much from us. I did not want to allow her to sap my energy with anger or to take up any space in my life at all. I remember I prayed for her everyday for a year because that act seemed to keep me in a better space. I forgave her for my own peace of mind.

I appreciate those bits of wisdom that come across our path in serendipitous fashion—the line in a poem….song….novel…a bit of conversation. And I ponder the words of the fictious pastor: “….you may indeed still not understand. But you will be ready to understand and that is the posture of grace.”

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter. Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus: “Today I decided to forgive you. Not because you apologized, or because you acknowledged the pain that you caused me, but because my soul deserves peace.”—Najwa Zebian

Claiming Our Gifts

Recently I preached at a little church celebrating their “Homecoming Sunday.” At the meal after the service, I chatted with the children. I had brought some “bubble pens” and other colored pens to offer as little gifts to them. When a young teen accepted one of the pens, she commented that she had lots already and proceeded to open a bag she had filled with dozens of sketching and coloring markers. “How in the world did you come to have all these?” I asked. “I’m an artist!” she answered. And then she opened up a notebook full of her drawings, stunning in their detail, beauty and artistry. She is, indeed, an artist….and even better yet, she claims that gift.

At her age (about 15) I wonder how I might have owned any particular ability. I knew better what my disabilities were. I wasn’t an athlete. I wasn’t a musician. I was shy and didn’t consider anything I did noteworthy. But I did well in English and I enjoyed dabbling in writing. But I would have never declared “I am a writer!”

Some years back I took a continuing education class in writing. The teacher said even if you simply wrote a column for the church newsletter, you should take some token payment you could choose to return as a donation. She strongly recommended that we get business cards made that identified ourselves as writers. In some recent conversation, I heard myself say “I’m a writer.” I was startled. I normally say “I like to write” or “I was editor on my high school paper and always worked on school newspapers in college.”

For years I would not identify myself as a minister. If I was to preach a sermon at church, I would only say I would be in the pulpit that Sunday, a somewhat quirky distinction. This week in a unanimous vote, I was elected settled pastor at a church in Montana. In the time I spent in that little town, I introduced myself as the new pastor. I marvel every time I say that.

I once read where many models do not see themselves as beautiful. There are certainly successful people who admit to feeling like “frauds,” viewed as competent by others but internally wracked with insecurity. I admitted to a therapist friend once that I had always felt my abilities inferior to hers. She declared “Oh, no! You were always my role model. I hoped I would be as good a therapist as you.”

Imposter Syndrome is a term used to describe an internal experience of believing that you are not as competent as others perceive you to be. While this definition is usually narrowly applied to intelligence and achievement, it has links to perfectionism and the social context.

To put it simply, imposter syndrome is the experience of feeling like a phony—you feel as though at any moment you are going to be found out as a fraud. The term that was first used by psychologists Suzanna Imes and Pauline Rose Clance in the 1970s.¹ When the concept of IS was introduced, it was originally thought to apply mostly to high-achieving women. Since then, it has been recognized as more widely experienced. (from the article “What Is Imposter Syndrome” by Arlin Cuncic).

May we challenge any such thoughts that undermine our acknowledging and claiming our gifts.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter. Shalom, Kate

Hope’s Café Bonus: “Never again will someone be made like you. Do not deny the world your gifts by doubting them.” ~The Daily Love