Hope's Cafe

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Cafe

Driving to an appointment in Billings, I exited the interstate and prepared to turn left onto the street that would take me to my destination.  Standing there where the exit intersected the road was a scruffy looking fellow with a crudely made cardboard sign.  I expected it to say something like “Will work for food” or “Stranded.  Trying to get to Kalamazoo.”  Instead I saw “Ninjas stole my families need for karate lessons.”  Stunned, I noticed the driver of the car behind me had rolled down the window and was engaging the man in conversation.  The light turned green and I drove on, puzzled.

What was this poor soul trying to convey?  I recall a man I saw in therapy years ago who believed in a conspiracy theory popular in the early 2,000s, and coincidentally still around, about reptilian people, shape shifters, who appear to be human but are reptiles’ intent on taking over the government.  According to the site The Psychology of Extraordinary Beliefs offered by Ohio State University,* four percent of the people in the United States believe in this theory which claims these ‘lizard people’ to be “bloodthirsty reptilian aliens (who) first arrived on earth in ancient times.  Since then, these beings have been merging with humans through the manipulation of DNA, as well as interbreeding with the human population.  The goal of this process was to gain control of the world by obtaining positions of power and influence: royalty, politicians, popular entertainers, etc.”

In one response to the article, a man wrote in lengthy, garbled paragraphs about his experiences as a shape shifter.  At one point he mentioned being confused and scared.  I never challenged my client about his belief but listened instead for the feelings that belief represented.  I wonder if the young man by the side of the road felt compelled to warn people of “ninja” forces, powers that could rob a family of their security. Whatever his intent, this incident serves as a reminder to be compassionate towards those who struggle with mental health issues, whose behavior expresses some need often incomprehensible to us. The young therapists I supervised early in my career jokingly—I prefer to think ‘kindly’— referred to this as “Kathleen’s Need Theory.” Then again, we were working at a children’s home, where the children’s behavior was often our best clue as to what was going on within them.

“By responding with empathy and compassion, the healing results affect us all.”—Brene Brown

*”Behind the Belief: Lizard People” February 12, 2019, Psychology of Extraordinary Beliefs, Ohio State University

 The invitation is open to share “two cups of tea” anytime at Hope’s Café, or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

 Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Cafe

Wednesday I woke up, went directly to my email to print off the Bible study lesson for the afternoon study group, only to see a message: “You are denied access to your email.”  Of all the problems I have encountered over the years with my computer, that was a new one to me.  It took awhile to correct that but by that time we were due to have breakfast.  I opened the refrigerator to retrieve some eggs and discovered a milk carton had leaked all over the frig.  I cleaned that up and began to crack some eggs to scramble.  The last egg was overly eager to get out of its shell and spilled its contents all over the counter.  By this time, I was beginning to feel persecuted. Apparently, it was just going to be “one of those days.”

I am not sure what kicked in, but I reminded myself that there were plenty of people who would much prefer the little problems I was facing that morning to the ones they were dealing with.  And then I realized I had been “awful-izing.”  Poor me!  My day is off to such an awful start!  I stopped to give thanks for the day.  I repeated a little mantra I seek to use daily, preferably as soon as I open my eyes: “Good morning, God.  This is the day that you have made. Help me to rejoice and give thanks in it.”  When I remember to do it, it really helps set the tone for my day. 

There have been more frustrating episodes this week.   But when I think about it, there have been some equally lovely experiences.  So where do I put the “spotlight” on my life? The frustrations, the irritations, the obstacles I encounter? Or all the good that comes my way? My choice! 

“The same boiling water that softens the potato, hardens the egg.  It’s about what you’re made of, not the circumstances.”  — Brainy Quotes

The invitation is open to share “two cups of tea” anytime at Hope’s Café, or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Cafe

When we had already travelled for two weeks through the beautiful landscapes of Glacier National Park, Yellowstone, the Grand Tetons, Arches, Canyonlands, Dead Horse State Park and believed we were only headed to our final evening farewell meal at the hotel, our tour guide declared “I have one last surprise for you!”  And what a surprise it was! We were treated to Colorado National Monument.

The story of the monument is one of incredible perseverance by one John Otto in the early 20th century.  When he came to Colorado in his mid-thirties in 1906, Otto was immediately drawn to this spectacular area.  The next year he would write, “I came here last year and found these canyons, and they feel like the heart of the world to me.  I’m going to stay and build trails and promote this place, because it should be a national park.” Indeed he did.

Otto would put up his tent, build a section of road, move his tent up to build the next section.  This is no small task.  This is an area of desert land high on the Colorado Plateau with sheer-walled canyons cut deep into sandstone and granite-gneiss-schist rock formations.  The high country rises over 2,000 feet above the Grand Valley of the Colorado River.  The scenic Rim Rock Drive now stretches 23 miles through the National Monument.

By nature a recluse, he was willing to speak to reporters and photographers and public officials to encourage support for his dream. Otto conducted tours of the area and began to garner support.  He invited President Taft to come see the area which eventually resulted in a visit from the President.  When Taft did not immediately act on declaring the area a national monument, Otto continued to press him.  On May 24, 1911, the area was at last designated Colorado National Monument and he was hired as the Monument’s first custodian, a position he held for 16 years.   His salary was the “princely” sum of $1 per month. Shortly after the designation was declared, Otto married an accomplished artist from Grand Junction.  The marriage was short-lived as his wife discovered she was not as well-suited to his lifestyle as she had first thought. 

Otto was once described as “a marvelous guide who knew every inch of his monument, which he tended like a personal kingdom.”  According to Wikipedia, among his accomplishments was carving a steep stairway up to the near-vertical ascent of Independence Monument, the largest such feature in the park.  Despite its size, Otto was known to climb to its summit to plant an American flag.

The man’s dogged determination, driven by his love of the terrain and his deep commitment to see that the park be recognized and protected for future generations, is impressive and commendable.  The area, designated as a monument, which does not require congressional approval as a national park does, has averaged 300,000 visitors a year. This year it is expected to welcome 500,000. I am pleased to have been one of them, an unexpected gift.

“Let perseverance be your engine, and hope your fuel,” urged H. Jackson Brown Jr. A worthy directive to consider as we navigate our lives.

The invitation is open to share “two cups of tea” anytime at Hope’s Café, or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

I will be on vacation until July 23. Hope to see you then to share experiences from my trip. 🙂

“Freedom is cultivated within.”  So said the speaker on a video I watched last week.  With all the ongoing angst in the world, he encouraged us to recognize that there is, indeed, plenty of suffering, but also much happiness.  When I hear things like that, I often think of a client I once had.  I don’t know how I would have managed to keep my spirits and attitude up like she did.  She was disabled, had no support system, very little money, few resources.  She often couldn’t make it to our appointments but would call me.  Always her conversations included, “God is good all the time, Miss Kath-a-leen.  “All the time, God is good.”

Her attitude exemplifies what the speaker was promoting; that is, that we stay aware of what we are cultivating within ourselves. That is what carries the potential to impact the outer world. 

I think also of Victor Frankl, the Austrian neurologist, psychologist, philosopher, and Holocaust survivor.  Frankl famously said: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing:  the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s own way.”

As we make our way through a chaotic election cycle, I have considered what strategy I will use to maintain my equilibrium.  There is an approach in singing when you have some kind of “muck” in your throat affecting your voice, that you “sing above it.”  My intention in the coming days and months, and beyond, is to “sing above” the fracas.

I would encourage you to ponder what you are cultivating and to seek a means to live as peaceably as possible within yourself.  Blessings on your endeavors to do so.

The invitation is open to share “two cups of tea” anytime at Hope’s Café, or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

A week after I responded to the fellow in my last post with food cards, I received another call from him.  In this case, he was crying hysterically, as he babbled about a flat tire.  I didn’t entirely grasp at the time how vulnerable he was feeling.  But in that moment, I felt great tenderness, unlike the previous week when I had experienced some irritation. 

His van was his only home, a thin shell to protect him from the outer world.  As kindly but as firmly as I could I said, “Calm down,_____” calling him by name.  “We can help you get a tire.”  He did calm down as I explained it was too late to acquire a tire right that minute but we could manage that the following day.  He was able to relate the type of tire he needed and that he had $50 towards paying for it, but not sufficient to pay the full cost.  I told him I would call him back once I worked out getting the tire.  He seemed settled and we hung up.

Later that evening I missed another call from him.  When I listened to the voicemail, what I was hearing was a conversation between him and the police.  I suspect at some point he had become upset again and other campers called the police.   Once again, he was hysterical.  As he begged not to be put out on the street, the policeman gently repeated they were there to help him.  The recording, whether intentional or accidental, let me know he would not be there the next day.  The police department would reveal nothing to me about his whereabouts.  I understand confidentiality.  But, determined to find out what happened, I turned to my “spy” friend, one who knows all the back channels when needed.  I don’t know how she finally gleaned the information, but she discovered he had been placed in a psychiatric facility.

 I have had no further report.  But the experience lingers with me.  Despite my limited ability to impact the situation, I value the shift in my response and a deepened understanding of how vulnerable homeless folks and others on the margins must feel. (I would add that “unhoused” hardly seems a fair description, even if it is presently considered more acceptable).

The author and speaker John O’Donohue has said, “An interesting question to ask yourself at night is, ‘What did I really see this day?’” It was a gift to me to really see my homeless friend that day.

The invitation is open to share “two cups of tea” anytime at Hope’s Café, or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

Two Cups of Tea

As I considered what I might converse about with you this week, I recalled a book I read some years ago, Pocket Peace.  I leafed through it and was stopped in my tracks by this inquiry:

In what situations am I most likely to stray from my values?

Does anyone really want to go there?  Perhaps not.  Yet it seems important not to ignore such a question.

Confronted with this, I recognize that I am “most likely to stray from my values” when what I want seems more important to me than any other consideration.  On Memorial Day, a Monday, my day off, which also happened to be my birthday, the phone rang. It was a homeless fellow calling the pastor to see if I might offer some help with food.

One of the values I claim to hold is that everyone should have sufficient food to be healthy.  No one ever need go hungry, particularly in a world where so much wealth exists.  Yet I could feel the resentment:  It’s a holiday! It’s my day off!  It’s my birthday!  Of course, I did overcome that sensation to ensure that he had gift cards for the grocery store.  Yet it wouldn’t take a lot of contemplation to identify times when I haven’t overcome my resistance to doing the right thing.  Doing the right thing, and the growth that results, is the desired outcome of considering such a question.  Just as Robert Heinlein wrote: “Contemplation must bring forth right action in order to permit further growth.”

 The invitation is open to share “two cups of tea” anytime at Hope’s Café, or anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

                Two Cups of Tea at Hope’s Cafe

As I seek to shift this column in some way, search for fresh
ways to connect, make meaning, I went back to the original column when I first
launched this blog in May 2020.

“I write as we are living in these strange circumstances brought on by Covid
19. Ironically, we are both pulled apart as a nation and world as the
competition builds for necessary resources and also more connected than ever by this virus. We all struggle to protect ourselves. We all feel the impact of the
world economy teetering. We all face the challenge of how best to cope.

“Years ago I came across the following quote: “It is not the circumstances
in which we find ourselves but the spirit with which we meet them that
constitutes our comfort.” There is fear, worry, grief aplenty in this time. It
is important that we acknowledge them. But we don’t have to succumb to them.
Even as we shelter in place, we can actively seek to bring a hopeful attitude
to our circumstances. What medical developments might be discovered? What
connections might people strengthen with one another? Might we learn to do with
less? Might we find deeper meaning in our lives in a quieter, less busy
environment? Pay attention to where your mind and spirit take you. Then
redirect yourself as needed to a more hopeful space—your very own ‘Hope’s
Café.’”

I write this as we are currently experiencing a recurrence of covid and as
life seems even more turbulent than when I began this four years ago.  In part, I think my desire to shift focus comes from a longing to draw folks nearer together in a period when fear and suspicion seem ripe to take hold.  So I
remind myself: “It is not the circumstances in which we find ourselves but the spirit in which we meet them that constitutes our comfort.”

The invitation is open to share “two cups of tea” anytime at Hope’s Café, or
anywhere you share companionship and conversation.

May we be bearers of hope, the “wait staff” of Hope’s Café for each other and all those we encounter.  Shalom, Kate

“Let’s have a cup of tea (or java) and chat a bit.”

“It is foolishness to think that you can leave a place your heart never left,” wrote Craig D. Lounsbrough, a   Licensed Professional Counselor and author.

I once met a young woman who had never lived, never even visited, outside the county in which she was born.  I was astounded.  Travel was a high priority in my family, particularly to my grandmother and to my mother.  My starry-eyed mother’s goal when she married my father was to travel around in a mobile home, while my father took jobs as a journeyman printer.  Her plan was doomed when she almost immediately got pregnant. Had she not gotten pregnant, there was still no hope for her plan.  My father was steeped in the belief that if you were fortunate enough to have a steady job, you should remain with it.  He remained in his work as printer on the Wichita Beacon.

My revised version of my mother’s dream was to have friends located all over the country so I would have people to visit everywhere. This dream of mine has been far more successful than my mother’s.  My friends have kindly accommodated my goal and scattered themselves around a variety of states.

Pieces of my heart are scattered as well. When we allow ourselves to be in relationship with others, when we establish solid connections, when we invest ourselves in living life fully, this heart-scattering becomes common to our human experience.  As another author, Lewis Thomas, has written: “We leave traces of ourselves wherever we go.” 

May the traces we leave enrich those people and places when we travel on.

Let’s have a cup of tea (or java) and chat a bit.

Tucked away in the Note section on my phone, I found where I had jotted “What am I nourishing within myself?”  That would seem to be a question to reflect on periodically since we so easily can get sidetracked from our good intentions.

My intentions are always good!  I will exercise.  I will eat more fruits and vegetables, consume less sugar.  I will meditate and pray daily.  I will spend more time in nature, less time on electronics.  Perhaps you have a similar list.

I recognize a glaring error in that list:  every statement is stated in the future.  It is much more effective to put those in present tense:  I am exercising more.  I am eating more fruits and vegetables, consuming less sugar.  You get the gist.  This gives the brain different material to work with. 

The brain really is a marvelous instrument with capacity to respond to our instructions.  Too often the messages we give our brains are negative and limiting. I can say “ I am such a klutz!” or “I am paying more attention to moving safely.”  Which is more likely to result in fewer embarrassing moments, perhaps even fewer bodily injuries?

These messages can be affirmations that support our growth and wellbeing.  Keeping them simple and specific helps. Posting them numerous places where you are reminded is useful: on your mirror, on your calendar, on your car’s dashboard, anywhere you look frequently.

Some people object that they feel they are speaking things that aren’t true.  The point is to set the affirmations in motion to become true over time and with frequent repetition. But for those who find affirmations difficult, it may be helpful to phrase the affirmations in terms of learning or practicing: I am learning to….say something uplifting to myself daily; I am practicing…to express gratitude daily; I am growing into a meditation routine of at least three times a week. 

The messages we give ourselves don’t even have to be spoken or written.  I once kept a photo of an ocean scene near my office computer.  Every time I viewed it, I reminded myself to be calm, to breathe deeply.

Consider it a regular “wellness check” to ask yourself: What am I nourishing within myself?

“Wellness is the complete integration of body, mind and spirit—the realization that everything we do, think, feel and believe has an effect on our state of wellbeing.”—Greg Anderson, author of The 22 Non-Negotiable Laws of Wellness